Why do I feel numb today, like I'm just fine, I hate it

[iwishiwasonacruise]

I posted on here about my mum passing away last week. It was very sudden and very traumatic, I was with her, and I tried to save her.

Since last week I have felt such overwhelming sadness, guilt and regret. I have been through every emotion. I have cried for hours and hours every day. I havent been able to think about anything else or concentrate on anything else at all.

Yesterday we found our mums cause of death and it felt as awful and upsetting as the day it actually happened. I sobbed and sobbed all day.

But today I feel so weird. I just feel nothing at all, and it's more noticeable as the day has gone on.

I feel like all last week I couldn't think about anything else but my mum and what happened, it completely flooded my brain and overwhelmed me, and it was every single thought I had all day long, but today it's like I can't get it to stay in my mind.

Nothing is making me sad. I feel like all my tears and emotions have just gone. I just feel normal. Although I do know my mum had died, I'm not in denial in that sense. But it's like I keep forgetting for a second that it's happened and have to keep reminding myself cos it's not sticking in my brain.

Its like I'm the exact opposite to how I've been since it happened. To start with I couldn't think of anything else, and now I can't keep it in my head and feel anything about it all.

I don't like it... I feel just fine, like I did before last week, like it's not really real 😞 is this normal?

Yes, dear @iwishiwasonacruise - it’s normal.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Loss is tough and strange and bewildering and a whole host of other things.

It may come in waves.

Whatever you’re feeling or not feeling is okay.

Be gentle with yourself. Take the best care of yourself you can.

Sending you big hugs 💐

It is normal, it is your brain giving you a rest from all the emotions. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sometimes when feelings are just too strong and overwhelming, your brain goes numb to just block them out for awhile. It needs a break. It's normal when you're dealing with grief and strong emotions. It will come in waves - the strong grief will return, and the numbness will return too probably. It's a journey, and it's all normal - try not to beat yourself up for how you feel.

Another "it's normal" from me. It's just your brain's way of managing your emotions. My personal experience though is that when my brother died, the first week was just an overwhelming tsunami of sadness and wild emotion, with periods of numbness, that then gave way quite rapidly to a stony, grey, heavy kind of sadness that felt very different. Grief is a strange beast. I remember the numbness feeling very wrong though, and that was distressing it itself.

Things will change constantly. I’ve learned to be grateful for the days I am fine. Bizarrely I am actually very content because I appreciate my mental strength in a way I’ve never felt before. Especially because I am still blindsided frequently and on this days I’m a hearing weeping mess.