Widowed & in laws

[Imnotweirdimlimitededition1]

Hi I'm a bereaved parent of 2 children. My DH passed last summer with cancer. I'm very fortunate to have happy memories & some support. However my DH family have just disappeared!

The DCs have no grandparents & I am literally on my own in a practical sense. My siblings & friends are emotionally supportive but day to day it is just me & DCs.

I received the odd text from some in laws. My concern is the relationship with the children. I want them to know their Dads family but it's always me trying to arrange meet ups & im fed up now. Any advice?

Oh gosh, I am so sorry for your loss.

Is it possible they feel a bit awkward? Maybe they don't know what to say when they are dealing with their own grief as well. Did you have the kind of relationship where you could talk to them, perhaps say what you said to us, that you really want to maintain the relationship with the children.

Thanks I am trying to be considerate to their grieving too & I suggest coming round for dinner or coffee but it's only happened once or twice & it feels like they don't want to. DCs are an awkward age no longer want to go visiting as such but will go out for pizza etc
I don't think I have the energy to persist!

I clicked on this because it resonates, but maybe I'm the opposite - I have a really complicated relationship with my in-laws after dh's death and it's probably me who's pulling away 😟

Would a family WhatsApp help? That way you can post occasional pics and news about the kids and they can join in if they want to, the in-laws can't say you're not in touch, but it's also up to them to do more of the running?

Thanks an example is I sent a general message on Sunday hi it's been a while can we meet up blah blah still no reply 😩
I can take a hint -it's now Thursday their loss but I feel for kids

How sad! I really don't think you can do much more than you're doing. Whilst it's incredibly sad for your DC, I would just continue to be the proactive one, sending a regular message update every couple of months and the ball is then in their court to follow up.

If your DC ever ask in the future why they don't see them at least you will be able to say you continued to try to maintain a relationship which they didn't respond to. You can lead a horse to water etc etc.

Personally in their situation nothing would keep me away from them but we are all different and it may just be incredibly painful for them. It's a cliche but it may just need time on their side.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

How involved were they before you lost DH? It could very much be they feel awkward. Grief is such a strange beast

@RubiesandRose thanks that's what I've been doing & will continue.

@Ljc1985 involvement was probably monthly but all promises to help etc were likely meant in good faith but not followed through

It hurts

My husband passed away when our son was 3 months old, he is now a strapping 18 year old and my outlaws who were plentiful (he had 7 siblings) all lived local did not once come and visit or ask after our Son.

It was very hard trying being a single parent, working, being a mum and a dad, trying to give our son some sort of memories of his Dad. They could have given him a lot of information which I didn't know about.

I have no idea why they decided we didn't exist anymore, but its a loss that they will never come back from.

If they were ever to knock at my door (never moved), or ring or text me (never changed my number), I would ask what they wanted then tell them where to go.

It hurts a lot but I can assure you it does get better.

@iwannascream I take a lot of strength from your post thanks for responding

@Imnotweirdimlimitededition1 thank you for your kind words, please feel free to PM me if you want to off load or just chat about all things. It's easier sometimes to talk to someone who has been through it.