My DM died. Feeling very dark.

[TheSilentSister]

My DM died last w/e. (DF died a few years ago) Long term illness but very sudden at the end. I was with her and it was awful.
I'm verging on really dark thoughts prompted by some people's 'well meaning' comments. I know they don't mean to be hurtful, that's not the point.
Yes I know that no one lives forever but it's made me feel very afraid of my own future and that of my DS, especially being a single mum.
I'm verging on 'what's the point in life' and then wanting some epiphany about how to live my life going forwards.
I keep going for my DS and I'd never leave him so wouldn't do anything stupid. Weirdly, I just feel like an animal if that makes sense. Put on this earth to reproduce. Spend most of our lives working to pay bills. Really, what is the point of it all.

I am very sorry for your loss, it’s still so raw and the dark thoughts you are experiencing are normal.

The shock and trauma of her passing will also be having an effect.

Could you maybe have a chat with your GP to access support that might help process how you’re feeling? Do you have any real life support?

You need to be really, really kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to reach out for help x

I lost both my parents young, it was awful when mum died but almost worse when Dad died because I no longer had any parents and even though I was an adult (28) and had a husband I felt somehow alone and as if I'd lost this huge connection to my childhood/history.

It's only been 1 week.
It's a hard and horrible experience to lose a parent.
It will get better!
Take it day by day. Let yourself feel what you are feeling, and find appropriate outlets, I wrote some really dark thoughts down when mum died, full of anger towards her for dying, towards the world for letting her die. The sort of stuff I would never want anyone else to read but it gave me an way to get it out of my head.

I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry that people while well meaning, have said things that have hurt your feelings. They won't have intended you any hurt, they just don't know, and while that's difficult for you, it's fucking wonderful for them it really is. You don't want your friends and loved ones to know this feeling because that will mean they've lost their parents too.