Need a rant about late Mum’s family

[Rainallnight]

My mum, who died a couple of years ago, was close to her siblings. She saw three of them in particular quite a lot, and would socialise with them and their spouses, along with my dad. My dad died not long ago too.

I have been very upset to have barely heard from most of them since my mum died. One of them has been in touch quite a bit but all of the rest of them have behaved as if I don’t exist.

My mum would be so upset that they’ve not been in touch and checked in from time to time.

What’s upsetting me even more now is that I’m clearing my parents’ house and they’re suddenly interested. I emailed them about a couple of bits they might be interested in. One replied immediately to come and collect something (I was like, wow, do you remember the address??). And another has just emailed me to say my mum lost some photos belonging to her and could she please have them back.

I’m absolutely furious and am trying to stop myself from sending a really shitty reply.

So am putting it all down here instead!

Thanks for reading.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this alone. There's nothing quite like a bereavement to bring out the greed in people. Can't offer any advice but sending a hand hold 💐

Thank you so much. It’s not even greed per se because nothing is that valuable. It’s the sheer cack handedness of basically ignoring me when I’d just lost both my parents and then to pipe up ‘ooh where are my photos?’

This happened to me. Its awful im so sorry. But people often arent who you thought they were and are grabby fuckers.
My mums brother badgered me non stop asking what i was doing with the denby collection, even though i was left on my own dealing with everything. No one came to see me, bring me flowers or a coffee but insisted they come for a visit when they found out i was clearing out the house.
I played dumb and when they came over purposely made sure my two large dogs were messily eating their food from the denby plates when they arrived... they didnt mention it again.

Prepare yourself for other selfish inconsiderate behaviour. People only think of themselves lovely. Find your own tribe and forget them, just hold your head up high that you would never treat anyone like that x

Same happened to me. My siblings were offered some things I thought they'd like from Mum's house while clearing it. They replied and one asked for up to date photos of Mum.
Something inside me snapped, and I thought f**k him, they hadn't seen her hardly, despite her being ill, creeping round when she was dying/dead. So I never sent anything. And they never asked again! That was nearly 6 years ago.

I honestly feel like replying ‘she’s dead, I have no idea what she did with your fucking photos’.

I’m so sorry @Hotpinkangel19. People can be so awful.

I like your style @Hotvimto3

Id feel the same but they are grieving too and likely short of temper as well as being unkind.
Put something milder like 'i have no idea sorry, can i get back to you about the photos once ive got my head around this and im a place where I can sort through the house?'

Even if you have no intention of doing it yet it might get them off your back and allow you to grieve without getting angry about thier thoughtlessness.

Honestly, I'm on my fourth bereavement in 2 years and can confidently say: 'people are monsters'. I won't derail by sharing my stories, but I am here for you OP, 100%. People are grabby, selfish, thoughtless dicks.

My sister didn’t bother with my mum for 15 years and my mum was heartbroken. She’s also ignored us throughout the whole death-funeral-grief hell. Although she of course had the presence of mind to ask AT THE FUNERAL about clearing the house.

When it came time to clearing the house we (rest of siblings) did it ourselves. Mum wouldn’t have wanted her to go through he stuff like that. Notification when house is sold was the next contact we had.

it’s like baby names: don’t tell anybody anything when it’s not their business

sorry for your loss.