Funeral car process.

[Olivia199]

Hi all,

I'm attending my nans funeral on Tuesday and I'll be going in the funeral car with my stepdad and brother.

Though I've sadly attended funerals before, I've never done this bit. Normally I'd arrive at the church and slip in the back without much notice.

Feeling very overwhelmed anyway at the moment and could use some insight into what exactly will happen when the car arrives to pick us up.

I like knowing what to expect, at least to a degree so any experiences appreciated.

Thank you all.

I went with my dad to my mums funeral
We got in (from my dads house) they drove us there (behind the coffin) and stopped outside the door so we could get out
Service, then when we came out they had turned the cars around
We got back in and they took us to the pub for the wake

I guess just like (without being trivial) getting a lift or a taxi there

Thank you, I really appreciate this. I'd hoped as much in a way as it all feels a bit out of the ordinary!

I've done it twice for both my parents' funerals. I found it to be the saddest part of all as they were leaving their home of over 50 years for the last time. The funeral directors walked in front of the hearse until they got to the main road & the neighbours came out to pay their respects.
It gives you some time to think before the actual service.

Just for a bit of levity, when I was a child I thought they were called morning cars as all the funerals I attended were in the morning.

I was about fifty before I realised they were mourning cars.

I think you also need to brace yourself for the car being behind the hearse. I knew that was what would happen, but wasn’t emotionally ready for the coffin appearing outside the house.

Sorry for your loss.

As mentioned above and they will also open doors etc.

The only other thing to mention is that if the car follows the hearse, the funeral director generally walks in front a short distance with a cane at the beginning and end of the journey

I hope all goes ok.

When we had my mothers funeral last year myself and my siblings went back to the golf club with our husbands and wives and we let the six grandchildren travel to the club in the car, my DS said, that they all said it made them feel close to their Nana for one last time. He said it was quite sombre until the youngest GC (12) piped up that the driver of the mourning car was tons better than Nana. 😀

Someone will have made a decision about which car you're in and likely where you will sit. You just be quiet, the driver opens the door for you, you get in, it follows the hearse to the service. The driver opens the door and you get back out, and wait near the hearse for the bearers to do their job and start moving. You and the family then slowly follow the coffin in, and the rest of the mourners follow in behind you. So you go straight down to the front rows. It's fine and not anything to worry about.

I was in the car for my mams funeral.. it broke me seeing the hearse, I found that horrific. Then seeing so many people outside the chapel when we arrived at the crematorium... I found that both lovely but really exposing ad everyone was looking at us.

I’m not keen on driving slowly behind the hearse on the way to the crematorium, I feel everyone is staring at us and frustrated at being held up. At my mums funeral last year I asked the funeral director not to drive slowly until we got within a few hundred yards of the crematorium. The worst part was waiting behind the hearse in the grounds of the chapel as the previous service had overrun. I just wanted it over!

You and the family then slowly follow the coffin in, and the rest of the mourners follow in behind you

I've never seen that. Any funeral I've been to, including my Dad's, the family go in first, then the rest of the mourners & once everyone is in the coffin is brought in

Don't worry though the undertakers will keep you right

I agree with @Redglitter about the main mourers immediately following the coffin in to the Chapel. You and your close family should think about the order you will follow it and who will walk with who. I don't know if there's a correct order and probably no one will mind or notice, but it will save having to jostle round getting into position.

The funeral cars will also take you on to the wake so if that is not at home then you might want to think about parking your car there ahead of time if you don't want to get a cab.

Im not sure if it is still a thing to tip the drivers/pall bearers. We put some money in an envelope and discreetly gave it to the person who seemed to be in charge of them to distribute.

Yes definitely the worse part of my darling Mums funeral was waiting for the hearse to arrive and seeing her coffin….absolutely bloody heartbreaking TBH . We had a slow drive to the crem and then had to wait for ages because of the traffic light system. We were then ok once we got to the chapel..funeral director was brilliant.Xx

Also Al our friends and family were waiting at the crem and it really meant a lot seeing all the familiar faces . They went and sat down and we followed my Mummies coffin into the crem with her favourite music playing.

The hearse with the coffin doesn’t have to come to the house if you as a family don’t want it too.

Thank you so much for all your responses, it really is appreciated. It's a hard time and going into an unknown felt worse. Feeling a bit more prepared for it all now!

This made me laugh.. thank you! (Also definitely something I'd have thought!)

This made me smile.. nothing like the brutal honestly of a 12 year old to make everyone feel better! Thank you.

Another thing is that on the way they drive very slowly, but on the way back they put their foot to the floor.

Usually you will follow the coffin in after arriving in the funeral director's car. The other mourners will already be in the church or chapel and the front rows of pews or chairs will be reserved for you.

The car picked us up at home and we followed dad’s car to the Crem (didn’t do the chapel/church). They drove incredibly slowly and I was squirming with embarrassment at the trail of cars stuck behind us. I also found it tough watching people dip their heads respectfully. We arrived at the Crem and all the mourners were outside. I found that difficult too. They got the coffin out and we followed it down the aisle. The other mourners filed in behind. We had a local brass band playing him in, which was lovely. I was doing the eulogy and could barely concentrate on anything else, I was so nervous, which kind of made it easier. The bit I found awkward was the end of the ceremony. The guy who led the service just got up, bowed to my dad and left. We then had to follow.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

I don't have much to add from what PPs have said, except be prepared that when you get there, the other mourners may be waiting outside and therefore will see you arrive.

The order in which people go in and whether before or after the coffin is decided by the whoever arranged the funeral and they will have told the undertakers who will organise it on the day. It might be that everyone goes in (including you) and the coffin goes in afterwards, or everyone follows the coffin, or the majority of people go in first and the 'main' mourners follow the coffin in. It's happened all 3 ways at funerals I've been to.

My only last tip is to make sure you've worked out how to get home from the wake if you don't have your car, and it's not walkable... the funeral cars will take you there but won't wait for the wake to end.

I’m planning my Mums funeral and we are all just meeting at The Crem to avoid any procession etc.