Mum died at the end of November, I still haven't grieved properly. Yesterday my Dad sprung on me that he wants to spread her ashes on Saturday. Not in the place I expected with her parents, but somewhere close by. I was so organised after her death as I was with her at the end, advocated for her and planned her funeral, planned how I would visit her before the funeral and what I would leave her with etc. Now I am thrown into turmoil, how to make this right, the final goodbye. Balloons are no longer enviro friendly so we will blow bubbles and I have found a couple of poems to read and might just leave a flower on the spot. I need to support my Dad, my husband and my children. It all feels too hard this time after I have been so strong and so very final.