How do you ever get over this?

BCBird · 26/02/2023 19:43

Bereavement is so personal. It is natural.to want to see the person again. My advice is to be kind to yourself. You will find that after an impossibly short time,people will expect you to buck up, get on with life etc. I have dine quite a lot of readung on this subject due to bereavement. It describes grief as a wave that retreats and crashes into yiu when you least expect it. Hand hold to I.

ElizaSkye · 26/02/2023 19:51

I’m very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you as I list my dad in my early thirties 4 years ago and it really is an all consuming grief.

it is a very physical pain initially, and grief is extremely tiring. Commit to nothing and only speak to people if you have the energy to and find it helpful.

there’s nothing that will make it feel better right now, but please believe that it becomes easier to carry x

IncompleteSenten · 26/02/2023 20:03

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 4 years ago.

You never 'get over it' as such. It changes you. You adjust to it. It becomes your new reality. Over time it gets less raw.
I echo pp who says be kind to yourself. This is a really hard time. X

flutterbyebaby · 26/02/2023 20:28

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 38 years ago, I don't know if I have ever stopped grieving. It does get easier, I don't burst out crying when I think of him now, I still have pangs of what if, when I look at my sons I see him. Loss changes you, things will never be the same, just as everything carries on. It leaves a scar that fades over the years, but is sensitive when touched

flutterbyebaby · 26/02/2023 20:29

Bluemat · 26/02/2023 19:39

My absolutely amazing Father passed away 3 days ago. I thought I was coping ok until today.

I can't stop crying and I just want to see him so much. The pain feels physical - I can't believe that's it he's gone.

Tears have a chemical in them that helps to numb or calm. Crying is healthy

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 26/02/2023 20:30

It'll get better - you adjust and learn to live with it. My top tip is to just grieve how you need to. Not how anyone else thinks you should.

Original poster

Bluemat · 27/02/2023 07:15

Thankyou every single one of you.
I am trying to be kind to myself and I know it takes time but this feels like nothing else I've ever experienced.

Last night I dreamed of him and that kept waking me.

One day at a time.

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monicagellerbing · 07/03/2023 17:43

How are you @Bluemat ?

Original poster

Bluemat · 07/03/2023 20:04

I'm so sad, it just doesn't feel real. I wake up everyday thinking what we went through was a dream and it hasn't happened.

I know this will get easier in time, but I miss him so much. There are already so many things I want to tell him or talk to him about.

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Original poster

Bluemat · 07/03/2023 20:23

I've also dreamed of him constantly- almost every night since he passed I've had dreams about him.

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TimeForChanges123 · 07/03/2023 20:25

FergussSingsTheBlues · 07/03/2023 20:27

It’s hellish isn’t it.

I’ve tried a few things
listening to grief cast which is surprisingly comforting
writing grief journal
soeaking to those who loved the most

Im three months in and it’s so raw at times. I long to see her in my dreams ❤️

You will get there x

FergussSingsTheBlues · 07/03/2023 20:28

I am also having a bad day. Sometimes it’s just Overwhelming

tsmainsqueeze · 07/03/2023 20:29

i lost my dad 6 years ago ,it feels like yesterday ,i miss him and think of him every single day , i still can't believe he's gone.
As others have said it changes you and things are different now , but even though you can't feel it now life does get easier over time.
I just wanted you to know that i hear you

Wowwellokthen · 07/03/2023 20:29

💐 I am very sorry for your loss. Everything you are experiencing in normal, natural and healthy. My father died 3 months ago and I still find myself thinking "oh dad will find that funny" or "I must ask dad about that"...before I remember. I too dream about him being alive. Make sure you have some of his items to make you feel physically closer to him. I have a jumper of his that I now wear. Take care ❤️

Emmamoo89 · 07/03/2023 20:30

So sorry for your loss x

WhenDovesFly · 07/03/2023 20:33

I agree with others, you don't get over it, you get through it.

I remember that raw grief at the beginning, and the endless tears. Someone quite rightly told me that missing my dad would come in waves and some days it would be a gentle swim, and on others I'd be drowning, and they were right.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

feebeedeebeedoo · 07/03/2023 20:44

sorry for your loss.

It'll be 18 years in April since my amazing Dad passed away. At the time, I couldn't imagine 18 minutes without him.

You don't get over it but you do learn to live with the loss. There's not a day goes by that I don't think of him. Significant dates are still hard. I still sometimes cry.

I also think back to years of happy memories and am grateful for the 30 years that I did have with him.

Be kind to yourself. Grief is personal to you. Don't bottle it up or put on a brave face. Ask for help if you need it.

catfunk · 07/03/2023 21:24

I'm sorry bluemat. Be kind and patient with yourself, it's still very raw.
When my dad passed I unexpectedly it was the centre of my existence for a long time. Now my world and daily preoccupations have grown around it again. It just takes time.

Original poster

Bluemat · 07/03/2023 21:37

Thankyou all for you kind replies.
I am going to ask for some counselling. My dad was not old and should not have gone when he did. I have some sentimental silly things of his that I have to keep close to me.

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Amethyst1974 · 09/03/2023 06:02

I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you. I lost my dad 6 days ago after a short illness. He was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in A&E on 27th December 2022 after experiencing severe abdominal pain, he’d only retired a few days before. We were all there for his passing, he died at home surrounded by love so that’s some comfort. I feel devastated that he only lived for nine weeks after diagnosis. The pain is so raw and fresh and right now I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over it. I’m so short tempered too and snappy. I have two children 10 and 12 who are amazing but I’m finding day to day tasks a massive struggle. I’m hoping the pain will ease in time.

user1498572889 · 09/03/2023 06:08

So sorry OP. I don’t think you ever get over it you just get used to it. I lost my mum 40 years ago in May. It still makes me sad.

Original poster

Bluemat · 09/03/2023 07:18

Amethyst1974 · 09/03/2023 06:02

I’m so sorry for your loss. Nothing prepares you. I lost my dad 6 days ago after a short illness. He was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer in A&E on 27th December 2022 after experiencing severe abdominal pain, he’d only retired a few days before. We were all there for his passing, he died at home surrounded by love so that’s some comfort. I feel devastated that he only lived for nine weeks after diagnosis. The pain is so raw and fresh and right now I don’t feel like I’ll ever get over it. I’m so short tempered too and snappy. I have two children 10 and 12 who are amazing but I’m finding day to day tasks a massive struggle. I’m hoping the pain will ease in time.

I'm know how you feel although my dad lived for 22 days only after diagnosis .
It's an awful nightmare

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maddy68 · 09/03/2023 07:52

My dad died over 5 years ago. I had a proper good cry yesterday while talking to my friend about him

It does get easier, someone told me that tears are love you can't tell that person about anymore and somehow that makes it easier for me

caringcarer · 09/03/2023 08:03

OP my beloved Dad died almost 30 years ago now. I still have vivid dreams of things we did together when I was a child. In one dream, which I dream quite often we are on a beach and building a sand castle. It is warm and then we have ice cream. I feel happy and safe and then I wake up. Over time you will find your dreams comfort you. Sorry your Dad died.