Unable to attend funeral and sad

[BigUpTheOxfordComma]

My beloved Aunt's funeral was today. She was 87, had lived a full and interesting life, and was battling multiple illnesses and painful conditions.

Kindest to her that she died, which spared further suffering, but we are reeling.

Health limitations prevented me from attending the funeral in person. There was no Zoom coverage type of set up.

I feel a maelstrom of emotions: profound sadness I wasn't there to pay my respects and be in community; guilt that I couldn't be there as moral support for her immediate family; anxiety that I may struggle with processing she's finally gone, due to not having seen the rituals of burial.

I did 'attend' in my own way, by lighting a candle, re-reading her favourite poetry, writing to her immediate family.

I feel hollow and desperately miss her.
😞

I'm sorry for your loss. Are you able to visit her immediate family any time soon?

I think that would help you somewhat. 💐

@buckeejit
Thank you.
No, won't be seeing them in person until April.
(Other end of country).

But I spoke earlier with friends who HAD been to the funeral, and they took me through everything that had happened in detail. So I feel a little more connected this evening.

I am sorry for your loss. I was away for my cousins funeral last year. I went to the beach near where we were staying to think about him at the time of his funeral. It made me feel connected. I understand that a) the funeral has happened and b) you have a health condition which prevented you from going, but I think being at home and thinking about your aunt in the way you did with the candle etc was perfect. It sounds like she would have understood💐

@longtompot

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I'm sorry for your loss, too.

Contemplating at the beach sounds a peaceful way by which to have marked the occasion. Waves/wonder of Nature etc.