Only a few months left

[Cocopogo]

My lovely DM only has a few months. I can’t stop crying since I found out and it’s hard because she needs me to be strong.
my question is what things brought you comfort? Is there anything you wished you’d done more?
shall I get photos done? Or will I hate them because I’ll know that’s when she was ill? Shall I get castings done or is that too strange? I want to take videos, I don’t seem to have any videos of her, so I can hear her voice. How do I make a video without it being forced and weird?
Please, any suggestions? I don’t want to regret anything.

Sorry to hear your bad news. Knowing you are going to lose a parent is so hard.

Spend time with her.
Tell her how much she means to you and what a good mum she has been.
Make happy times as far as her health will allow and take pictures and videos. Don't make all the time you spend with her feeling sad about what's to come. Whilst you will inevitably feel that, do your best to shield her from that so the time she has left is enjoyed as much as it can be.
Take her to her favourite places if she is well enough, even if she can only sit in the car and see them from there if she isn't well enough to walk around.

These are some things we did with my dad and he appreciated it so much.

Make sure you take time for yourself too and allow yourself to cry (ideally away from her) if you need to

Thank you so much for responding. I will try and be stronger

It can be easier said than done, I know. And there's certainly no judgment for you being upset. But I know my dad found it hard when we were upset. He always protected us and still wanted to do that even when he couldn't any more. I think it gave him some peace when I made a promise to him we'd all be ok and that I'd look after my mum.
Cry as much as you need to with other loved ones as they will no doubt be feeling the same.

Hi @Cocopogo i'm so sorry you're going through this 😔
My Dad passed away years ago suddenly, overnight he was gone.
He never got to meet any of his grandchildren.
If i had the chance i would definitely have taken more videos, he would tell me things from when he was a kid, i wish i had taken a video of him chatting about his good old days.
Sending you lots of strength to get through this time xx

Videos of chatting about their memories are a great idea.

Ask your Mum what she would like to do - if she's strong enough - Would she like to meet up with family & friends, cream tea at a nice hotel / restaurant, tour of Manchester United grounds, evening out at the bingo - whatever! If she's a bit too frail - how about watching her favourite films together, cooking her favourite meals. Maybe she wants to be practical - has she made her will, does she have any music she would like played at her funeral. Organising these will also give you positive things to do, which will be a distraction

Photos are nice, videos are good but they can be rather forced so having an 'event' as the focus is a good idea, eg the evening out at the bingo.

I've been looking though photos of my Mum this week as I'm preparing a photo collage for her funeral - I've got lots of her in her last couple years, but I'm not going to use them, I'll be using the ones of her as a younger woman, in her prime.

Bless your heart OP

Thank you so much. Lots of great ideas. I love the idea about videos of her favourite memories and her life etc

Sorry to hear about your mum. It's so hard, I cried every day for the last months of my mums life too. I

i read about this recently:

recordmenow.org/

This app let's you record your memories, I read an article about the woman who set it up on BBC.

I wish this had been available. Also, I would have liked to have done the silver fingerprints of us all to keep. You can buy the kits to do at home.

I wish I'd learned to make my mums home made bread!

Thank you, I’ll see if my mum would be willing to have a go with the app. I bought a book but I’m not sure she’s up to writing everything down. Recording will be much quicker and easier and a lot nicer.

Sorry to hear your news. My dear dad passed away 2 weeks ago. It's the most awful time. Just spend as much time as you can with her. We took lots of photos but you can see he is poorly in them. I wish I had videos of his voice because I can't remember it already 😢.
Tell her everything you want her to know and listen just listen to her stories and memories. They will be everything to you.

Thinking of you.

I lost Mum last year and cherish a

Recording she made with her oncologist for me to listen to (because she feared she would forget the detail).

She died quickly after, faster than expected, so never got that treatment but I cherish hearing her voice.

So if she will allow some memories to be recorded try to.

And tell her everything you need to. And be there when you can.

Xx

@Cocopogo I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum. It's not fair!!!

one thing you need to do for yourself is to accept that it won't be perfect, there will
always be things you wish you'd done, said, asked.

I am sending you lots of love & strength xx

My Dad died from cancer 3 weeks ago. I can't bear to look at the photos of him when he was poorly but can't bear to delete them either. Luckily I've got lots of phone messages on our answerphone and can still his voice.

I've found more comfort from old photos, and good memories... not the cancer filled horror ones. And oddly enough, I grabbed some t shirts he'd worn so they still smell like him - we're having these made into memory bears.

As a mum, I wouldn’t want you to try if you weren’t feeling it
its ok to have a bad day.

does your mum love music, Christmas or other holidays? You could bring them Forward with a mini celebration that you could record.
a friend held a Spanish day for her mum which was lovely and bought a real smile to alls faces

where is your mum currently, if you don’t mind me asking?

Thank you so much for all the replies.

@RosieMolloy she’s at her home with my dad. They are quite closed off people, like to do everything just the two of them. But I just want to feel involved and helpful but that’s not my choice. At the moment mum doesn’t want to talk about things, she’s not ready and feels there’s plenty of time for that, I hope she’s right.
I live 5 mins away and will visit every 2 or 3 days. More if I could.

I was thinking about Mother’s Day and what could I do for that, if anything.