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Bereavement

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Original poster

Well meaning friends

8 replies

HerbalTeaAndCake · 13/02/2023 17:34

Very recently bereaved. I know that they are just asking how I am because they care. And that is lovely.

But I'm stressed out of my skull and it just feels like another task to complete dealing with all the well meaning texts/ calls.

When will this feeling go away?

OP posts:
difficultlemons · 13/02/2023 19:01

Sorry for your loss Flowers
A few ideas:

Could you ask a friend to contact others for you to let them know you are unable to reply right now but will be in touch when you're ready?

Or have a standard response ready just saying thanks for being in touch it means a lot, I'm taking some time away from my phone right now but will be in touch when I'm feeling stronger?

Or just don't answer. You don't have to. Switch off the phone and concentrate on what helps you heal

FlowersBrew

Original poster
HerbalTeaAndCake · 13/02/2023 22:23

Thank you.

OP posts:
Parroteets · 13/02/2023 22:35

Gosh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I would turn off your mobile phone and ask one friend to tell the others that you need space and will make contact once you're ready.

I think it might be helpful to say exactly what you typed in your post ie that responding to texts isn't easy and although it might only be a few words, the mental load makes it exhausting. I would send all calls to voicemail and field them.

It's difficult because I'm sure that they mean well (as you've said) and want to do something for you and see the contact as that thing. I feel for you and hope that you have the support you need.

saraclara · 13/02/2023 22:41

Or have a standard response ready just saying thanks for being in touch it means a lot, I'm taking some time away from my phone right now but will be in touch when I'm feeling stronger?

I think this is best. If you get a friend to tell people that you can't deal with this, odds are that those people won't dare approach you when you are ready, and they'll disappear.
A holding message from you is a much better idea. It acknowledges that you apppreciate them trying (which is what in general friends of the bereaved are told they should do) and that you want to be in touch again soon.

Original poster
HerbalTeaAndCake · 14/02/2023 23:03

Agree this is a good plan thanks 👍

OP posts:
hamstersarse · 14/02/2023 23:05

I don’t think people expect a reply, they just want you to know they are there if you need them

im sorry for your loss. Day at a time

FatArse123 · 20/02/2023 14:30

I'm sorry for your loss OP. When in a similar situation I just replied with

xxxxxx

by which I meant, I've seen your message, thanks for your kindness. Hopefully it was interpreted that way! It kept people off my back in nice way, I felt. It was also handy as PP have suggested to have someone manage communication.

Gemls3123 · 01/03/2023 17:01

HerbalTeaAndCake · 13/02/2023 17:34

Very recently bereaved. I know that they are just asking how I am because they care. And that is lovely.

But I'm stressed out of my skull and it just feels like another task to complete dealing with all the well meaning texts/ calls.

When will this feeling go away?

I think people feel like they have to say something and saying nothing is like they don’t care. Tell them you appreciate it but for now you need space

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