When to tell kids about suicide?

[BlackYellowBlue]

Sadly my kids dad took his own life a number of years ago. They were just 3 and 6. Now 7 and 10.

I'd like to tell them at the same time.

Does anyone have experience of explaining this to children? Or advice on an organisation I could talk to.

Unfortunately the information is out there on the Internet so it's only a matter of time and I'd prefer they heard it from me.

I think they are too young at the moment. Would a ten year old be googling newspaper reports regarding their father? Would a suicide specific organisation be able to help or CRUSE?

Thats really difficult. I don't know if there are any support groups for families in your circumstances but I would seek advice from somebody. I agree with previous poster saying contact CRUSE.

I am sorry that you are in this position. Try Winston's Wish. They are specifically a charity that was set up to aid children through bereavements of all sorts. I have not had to do this but to me it might be something that you can break into stages. Start with introducing the concept that some people have a type of illness that makes them believe that those they love would be better off without them etc. So that they have an understanding of sucide and the motivations for it. Then work up to telling them about their dad.

I had to have this conversation and I also recommend Winston's Wish - they publish a booklet called Beyond the Rough Rock which is specifically about supporting a child bereaved by suicide and I found it helpful to read this first.

My experience was that it was better to share all the information I had and be open with them. They were relieved as their imaginations had come up with something even worse. And they are doing well - it has not blighted their lives, which was my overwhelming fear.

Good luck OP 💐

Have you heard of sobs? I wonder if they might have support group to help you.

uksobs.org

As someone who has been through this in the family, there is no age that's too young. Please contact SOBS or Winston's Wish or WAY, and just gently start the conversation.

This conversation may be scattered over years, but please from personal experience, just start it.

Would a ten year old be googling newspaper reports regarding their father?

Yes. Quite possibly. He might not look for news specifically, but yes, typing his dad's name into Google? I'm surprised he hasn't done it already @purpledalmation

OP, @Plump50 clearly has the best advice. I'm sorry that you both had this experience.

Sorry you've been in this situation. Thank you for your advice. I spoke to Winston's Wish and they provided some great advice...and the book is on the way.

Not a conversation I'm looking forward to.but at the same time I'll be happy to have it all out in the open.

Up to this point I said Daddy died from an illness called depression.

I'm so glad you found Winston's Wish helpful, and it sounds like it will be a natural progression from the discussions you have already had with them. I found with my kids that we had an initial conversation, then they mulled for a bit and came back with questions. So it has been more like a series of conversations.

I'll be thinking of you, OP.

I'm so sorry OP. My boys lost their dad in the same way just before Christmas.

They are 5, and 9.

I explained to them that daddy's brain must have been really poorly, so poorly that he just couldn't stop being sad, and he took his own life.

I think it's important to reassure them that it's not the same as the sadness you're all feeling now, and that you are sad but 'ok'.