Hi N2times
apologies in advance for the ramblings - my experiences for what it's worth ....
I was aged 13 when my brother had a brain h - we went to his bedside he was on a life support we were told he wouldn't survive, I held his hand, his fingers twitched, I asked mum if he was coming back she gently told me he wasn't - he didn't - his life support was switched off - 1984
it left me with an almighty fear of dying - and finally 9 years later I had counselling to come to terms with sudden death and the feelings of helplessness that left me with
roll on to 1993 dad had, we were told, a brain stem stroke and wouldn't survive, he was given the last rights - he then woke up - turned out it was a heart problem - he was with us for another two years - march 1995 he became ill again
we watched him fade, his heart was giving off clots which made him unstable mentally, the day before he died the hospital called us, they could tell from the colour of his nails he was near the end - i don't pretend to understand
in his last hours he reached out to a figure we couldn't see and spoke to them for the first time coherently in days even though he didn't recognise us
he passed the next day
roll on to 2002 - Mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, less than 3 weeks later, we made her comfortable in her hospital bed, we chatted we told jokes, she held a full conversation with us, she said ta ra when we left at 10.00pm, by 8.45am the next day she was gone
I'm not sure what I'm trying to share, but in my experience the end is never what we imagine
I agree we're not prepared to cope with it
but I think that each person's passing can be so different I don't think we can be
Each passing I've experienced has been so different i don't think anyone could have prepared me
out of them my mums was the most difficult, as she was fully aware, her body just gave up
how can you sit and have a conversation with someone, and less than 12 hours later they're gone ??
rhetorical question - I don't know the answer
I suppose what i'm saying is that no matter what I don't think you could have been any better prepared with your dad's death
but what we could be better at is dealing with how people deal with their grief afterwards
the 'ol stiff upper lip just doesn't cut it sometimes
i can only share with you how I feel, counselling definitely helped when my brother died, and I wished I'd had it sooner
that said I often relive the moments when mum and dad passed, especially when I hear mike and the mechanics living years
the line says "i wasn't there that morning when my father passed away"
i was at home, drying his PJ's to take in to him
if only I'd done them earlier ???
sorry for the ramble, appreciate it if you've read on, you've lost a major player in your life, he will never be replaced, you will never get over his death, but you will learn how to live with it
truly hope this helps xx