Please or to access all these features

Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Loss of my lovely friend

23 replies

MrsNowAndAlways · 26/01/2023 11:36

I had known my friend for all of our 40 years. Our Nan's and Mum's were friends, we were born a couple of weeks apart, and had children ourselves within weeks of each other. We were inseparable until we hit our 20's when our lives led us in different directions, and though we hadn't seen each other for a few years as I have moved around a lot, we were always in touch in one way or another, and still counted each other as the oldest of friends.
I had an awful feeling something was wrong, and tried getting in touch, but heard nothing back. Last week I was told she was on end of life care and had a short amount of time left after an awfully short illness, she had asked for me, so I rushed to see her from across the country. When I left her, I told her I would see her tomorrow before I left for home again. But she died the next day.

I've lost family over the years of course, but I've never felt such utter sadness like this. I find myself crying at everything, my every thought is about her. I'm heartbroken for her family, her young sons, and the idea that we won't see the rest of our lives and the celebrations of family together.

It's just so cruel.

OP posts:
Veryfishy · 26/01/2023 11:46

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐

Nooriginalusername23 · 26/01/2023 11:50

So Sorry for your loss 💐

Battlecat98 · 26/01/2023 12:01

I am sorry, 😞 life can be incredibly cruel.

Peridot1 · 26/01/2023 12:03

I am so sorry. I think losing a friend would be so hard. I think we probably don’t expect it to be as devastating as losing a family member but often we love our friends as much our families.

Justlovedogs · 26/01/2023 12:05

Nothing to add except huge condolences for you loss. Flowers

ThatshallotBaby · 26/01/2023 12:06

I’m so so sorry. Do you want to tell us a bit about her? Some of your memories?
Flowers

IheartBTS · 26/01/2023 12:09

Sorry for your loss OP. It sounds like she waited to see you before she left 🌹

Greyarea12 · 26/01/2023 16:52

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Honeyroar · 26/01/2023 21:43

I’m really sorry for your loss. But also glad that you managed to visit her. That will have meant a lot to her. I lost a really good friend a few years ago. It was really horrible. I still talk to her nearly every day. That probably sounds weird!

MrsNowAndAlways · 28/01/2023 12:53

Thank you. She was so lovely, always smiling, she had the biggest grin I've known. It was still there even the day before she died.
We would always be the first to send birthday wishes to each other, which is what tipped me off that something wasn't right. She was admitted to hospital on my birthday, and I hadn't heard from her.

She didn't even know she was unwell, it was just 8 weeks from her initial symptoms to losing her.

She was kind, funny, caring and a wonderful friend. Never a bad word was said against her, and now she's gone, everyone who knew her has done nothing but speak so highly of her and the impact she had in their lives.

OP posts:
Sndhehjzugwvs · 28/01/2023 12:55

So very sorry for the loss of your dearly loved friend. May you find comfort in memories of happier times together. 💐 🕯

ChaToilLeam · 28/01/2023 12:56

I am so sorry. It hurts so deeply when our dearest friends die. 💐 We grieve just as deeply as we do for family.

Whatafanny · 28/01/2023 12:57

MrsNowAndAlways · 28/01/2023 12:53

Thank you. She was so lovely, always smiling, she had the biggest grin I've known. It was still there even the day before she died.
We would always be the first to send birthday wishes to each other, which is what tipped me off that something wasn't right. She was admitted to hospital on my birthday, and I hadn't heard from her.

She didn't even know she was unwell, it was just 8 weeks from her initial symptoms to losing her.

She was kind, funny, caring and a wonderful friend. Never a bad word was said against her, and now she's gone, everyone who knew her has done nothing but speak so highly of her and the impact she had in their lives.

She was clearly a much loved person who left a lot of people with nothing but good memories of her. It's heartbreaking that she's gone so young and so quickly. Must be devastating for you, her friends and family 💔

RandomMess · 28/01/2023 12:58

I'm so sorry it's so painful losing friends especially when still young and they have children, the grief you feel for their family as well as yourself.

Flowers
ThatshallotBaby · 28/01/2023 13:02

People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou

Hbh17 · 28/01/2023 13:24

My condolences. I think people underestimate our grief when a close friend days, but it's such an important relationship - often far more important than with any family member.

Mammyloveswine · 28/01/2023 14:11

Oh I'm so so sorry. Sending you lots of love.

ManchesterGirl2 · 28/01/2023 14:21

Hbh17 · 28/01/2023 13:24

My condolences. I think people underestimate our grief when a close friend days, but it's such an important relationship - often far more important than with any family member.

I agree with this. And a sudden death of a young person is a different, shocking kind of bereavement.

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. She sounds wonderful.

gogohmm · 28/01/2023 14:27

It's tough loosing someone of your own generation. It makes you face your own mortality. Take care

pleaseletmesleeptonight · 28/01/2023 14:27

I'm so glad you noticed her lack of contact and acted on it, you are a real friend, you knew something was wrong.

And you got to see her to say goodbye, with our bust lives it would have been so easy not to notice.

She sounds wonderful and so do you x

longtompot · 28/01/2023 15:13

So sorry to read your sad news. Sounded like a wonderful friendship and I am so glad you got to see her before she passed💐

petuniasandpetals · 28/01/2023 20:14

I've just lost one of my oldest closest friends. I feel bereft and heart broken. I can't get her out of my mind, not that I want to.
I've had bereavements before, younger than she was and closer in terms of family but her passing has floored me.
I knew it was coming and did all I could for her. It's just that nobody seems to get how devastated I feel. It's just awful and I feel guilty too because she has children the same age as mine who are rightfully devastated.
I think because everyone knew it was inevitable it's as if it's nothing terrible. And because she lived a distance away it doesn't matter so much,
I'm on anti depressants anyway so am not breaking down sobbing but just feel panicky. I'm not sure why but I can't breathe properly.
I am someone who really values my friends and I just feel so sad.

MrsNowAndAlways · 29/01/2023 10:33

petuniasandpetals · 28/01/2023 20:14

I've just lost one of my oldest closest friends. I feel bereft and heart broken. I can't get her out of my mind, not that I want to.
I've had bereavements before, younger than she was and closer in terms of family but her passing has floored me.
I knew it was coming and did all I could for her. It's just that nobody seems to get how devastated I feel. It's just awful and I feel guilty too because she has children the same age as mine who are rightfully devastated.
I think because everyone knew it was inevitable it's as if it's nothing terrible. And because she lived a distance away it doesn't matter so much,
I'm on anti depressants anyway so am not breaking down sobbing but just feel panicky. I'm not sure why but I can't breathe properly.
I am someone who really values my friends and I just feel so sad.

Oh no, I'm so sorry you're going through this too. I understand how you're feeling. My friend had 10 and 1 year old children, they both had their birthday's whilst she was in hospital, and she missed her little ones first Christmas, which was her most favourite time of year. He won't even remember her.
I feel almost like I don't qualify to be this upset because her family have far more right to be, and feel awful guilt as I spent time with her in her final day that her family probably should have. I will always be so thankful to them for giving me that time with her though.
I also had the distance, I'm a 5 hour drive away from her, and hadn't seen her in person for a few years, but it hasn't changed how her loss has affected me.

In a horrible coincidence, I lost another friend last year, almost exactly 11 months apart, to the same disease.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page