Something about this isn’t right

[PizzaNinja]

Someone I considered a good friend through a website (not Mn) passed away before Christmas. It really shook me up, the way I found out through the website, and how it was handled after. I was crying on and off for a couple of days, which isn’t me at all usually. I would like to have gone to the funeral, but I couldn’t find out any information at all. I had the person’s address from sending them things, so sent their partner a condolence card, with my contact details in, for if there was a date/place for a funeral confirmed. I understand it’s exceptionally difficult for close family having to contact people to announce a death, and let people know about funeral arrangements, etc - I’ve been there myself.

I didn’t hear anything back. Fair enough, I guess … only, now things are starting to niggle at me. What if it wasn’t true? What if it was a trick, and this person isn’t dead? The motivation would be financial. There is something about the whole situation that feels very wrong here, and I can’t quite shake the feeling of being duped. I suppose what I’m wondering is if there is any way I can find out for certain if this person is deceased or not? Does anyone know how I could go about it, it’s bothering me a lot.

@PizzaNinja I’m not entirely sure what you mean about it all being false and you being duped. But as for confirming the death - of you know an address then I’d check local newspapers for an announcement - lots of people still do them here. Most have websites where they’re all listed.

@PizzaNinja or search through social media for her name. Perhaps someone has posted funeral details

I’ve been Googling on and off since I found out, hoping to find a funeral notice so I could attend. I haven’t been able to find anything at all. She was quite old-fashioned, didn’t use FB (me neither), but I couldn’t even find a notice of her death in papers local to her 😔

Search through Obituaries in the area that the person lived. I doubt you'll find a funeral notice on social media. Do you know their full, official name and correct spelling? A female may be listed under their maiden name or their married name. Did they come from somewhere else originally? Search there too, my neighbour's obituary and funeral were held/listed in her birth town where her family live so that's why I never found her notice until weeks after the funeral. The family may only choose one newspaper for the funeral notice, maybe a small local paper or a regional one.

How long before Christmas did they die? There might not have been a funeral yet - I know someone that died the week after Christmas and their funeral isn't until February.

Search their username - they might have used it on other websites?

Could you try and find their landline number and give the partner a call?

Sign up for a free ancestry account - search for them and it will bring up their death certificate

(Just don't forget to cancel before the free period ends!)

Does she owe you money OP?
Are you suspicious she may owe others or could be in danger?

I’ve spoken to her partner this evening, he called out of the blue - I put my number on the card I sent. She was as straight as they come, she didn’t owe me anything. I now know what happened, and when, and that she’s definitely deceased.

Thinking it was a trick is more a sign that I’m not very well mentally right now. I feel a bit stupid, it was just handled so badly by the original website, I couldn’t get my head round it. It’s best I say no more about that. Thanks for your replies.

This happened to me 2 years ago. I am convinced the person didn't die. No funeral. Nothing. Financial motivation the same.

Don't feel ashamed. Faking death is very common in online communities, unfortunately. So it's just normal that you were suspicious.