Coming up to 5 years and everything feels wrong

[PermanentTemporary]

Feeling like crap. I can sort of see that this is due to the anniversary coming up on 2 February but I'm not sure it is. Thinking about ending it with dp. I just want to pull the duvet over my head and never get out again. Don't want to exercise or read or do anything.

Can't really believe I'm already 2 years older than the age my dh ever got to.

So sorry to hear this OP. Anniversaries are hard and can feel like you're taking a step back in the grieving process.

I wouldn't end it with your DP right now. You may regret that later. Wait for a few weeks and see if things are looking better.

for you and I hope the next couple of weeks are not too awful

I've just had a anniversary too 2days ago it's been 4yrs worst thing is it was a day before my birthday !
For me all the memory's come flooding back I lost someone to a massive stroke they passed in front of me one minute her next gone so it was a complete shock as they were fit and healthy

I didn't have a good time with the family either and I was not next of kin as we was not married long story but his daughter thought there was money they passed penniless they were a live for today kind of person plus they was quite estranged we never saw her in the time we was together and she knew nothing of his life

We had been together for years but they didn't seem to want to acknowledge that

Sent before I could finish.

I offered to pay for funeral they never contacted me again I got shut out the hospital refused to talk to me so I didn't get to know what happened to them
For months after all I knew he was still in the mortuary until a sister in law phoned me 9 mths later that they had phone the hospital and told he had been cremated 2mths after but didn't know anything else
I've been in touch with funeral directors in the area and cemetery's all over but they just seemed to have disappeared the conclusion was they was dealt with a internet funeral company as she had no money so it would have been the cheapest way to cremate them it's was all just so cruel and unnecessary they didn't deserve that either was such a lovely person too

So for me it's been hard trying to deal with it all what happened it goes round and round in my head thinking about the things I could have maybe don't differently

I rambled on a bit !
Getting back to you. I'm not sure it gets easier they say it does I have lots of up and down days
.
I never look to the future I just try and take each day as it comes still feel like it's small steps for me

I would not leave maybe just a feeling your going through at the mo. Is your partner understanding to your grief.

Hugs

@Achangeiscomeing that's so terrible, I'm so sorry. What a shock and a nightmare to live through afterwards.

There's been a big argument between me and my dh's brother as well, he blamed me for dh's death and some other things in life too. We're not really in touch. It seems to be so common to have family breaches after death.

Dp is lovely (he's downstairs making me a coffee right now). You're all right it's not a good time to make decisions and especially not at 4am...