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Original poster

To send a card? Present for child?

41 replies

Crybaby96 · 20/01/2023 17:40

Just heard some sad news that my dd friends baby sister has died. I don't know the parents very well just to say hello. Was thinking of sending a sympathy card and maybe a little present for dd friend age 5. Maybe a little craft set/ colouring book or something for her to do and a card. Is that an OK thing to do or just stick to a card for the family?

OP posts:
Feelsweird · 21/01/2023 17:33

In a similar situation (but I did know the family quite well), I sent a plant for remembrance which they could look after - very easy, indestructible plant

elevenplusdilemma · 21/01/2023 17:34

Absolutely a card with a note offering to have the child to tea / take out for the afternoon or whatever to give the parents a bit of time to themselves.

freezingpompoms · 21/01/2023 17:41

Elderflower14 · 21/01/2023 16:22

I second the idea of a memory box....

I think that over steps the mark tbh

freezingpompoms · 21/01/2023 17:43

Send a no mess activity like painting with water pens or something by crayola. They are the only true washable art supplier.

Kentlassie · 21/01/2023 17:45

Please do not send a memory box. I would have hated this when my baby dd died, unless from a very close friend. A home cooked meal or bag of food supplies left on the doorstep, along with a card offering help with school runs etc for the older child would be ok.

Ember90 · 21/01/2023 17:47

A card is lovely perhaps with a written note with an offer with any help. A present is definitely not appropriate

CurlyGirlMumma · 21/01/2023 18:17

elevenplusdilemma · 21/01/2023 17:34

Absolutely a card with a note offering to have the child to tea / take out for the afternoon or whatever to give the parents a bit of time to themselves.

100% this!

123boom · 21/01/2023 18:30

A card and food or offering looking after kids. Not a memory box. They will do that if they want to.

JenniferBarkley · 21/01/2023 19:08

LittleLegoWoman · 21/01/2023 16:49

I think a colouring book is actually quite a good idea if your dd’s friend is around 2-6 years old. It’s a new item that will hold the child’s attention and not require must adult input. That can be a really useful thing when the adults in the house are struggling.
I’d put a note on it with something like ´I thought X might like a new colouring book for when you need a bit of calm. We’d love to have her over to play with DD anytime so if you need someone to babysit just let us know’

This was my thinking too. A gift that your DD can play with independently and a note explaining that. I know we get ages out of washimals, and there's not too much mess with a towel down.

Fleur405 · 21/01/2023 19:14

As a bereaved parent I would say a card and a note offering to have the older sibling would be nice. A present is not appropriate. And the memory box suggestion - though well intentioned I’m sure - is also not really appropriate in the circumstances.

Fleur405 · 21/01/2023 19:15

Also don’t send flowers. I got sent so many flowers I had ask someone to go and buy vases which was the last thing I really wanted to deal with.

KikoMooCow · 21/01/2023 19:15

I think a card for family & something for the child is really lovely op

LittleLegoWoman · 21/01/2023 20:09

If you do send a colouring book/kid’s activity then don’t wrap it up like a present. Think more like the new books/activities you stick in the cupboard for a rainy day for your kids at home. Not a big super exciting surprise. Just a pleasant time filler.

Augend23 · 21/01/2023 20:16

LittleLegoWoman · 21/01/2023 20:09

If you do send a colouring book/kid’s activity then don’t wrap it up like a present. Think more like the new books/activities you stick in the cupboard for a rainy day for your kids at home. Not a big super exciting surprise. Just a pleasant time filler.

This : either just a card with an offer of specific help (rather than "anything I can do") or a calm, not too messy activity that doesn't need adult intervention with a note explaining and not wrapped like a gift.

Sirzy · 21/01/2023 20:19

I think the card and activity book sounds lovely, their will be times they need their daughter to be settled so they can sort the awful things that need helping.

the offer of childcare/play dates is also a good idea

dogdaydown · 28/01/2023 17:14

I'd also say a play date offer.

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