Hello

[Ayda32]

Hi everyone.
I'm a looooooiing time watcher and reader on mumsnet and not sure what I've never signed up. But better late than never.

Bit of a background. I'm 32, married and have 2 children.

Both of my parents are(were) alcoholics, I lost my mum due to her alcoholism in 2018 and lost my dad (who didn't come back I my life until 8 years ago) in December 2022 due to his alcoholism.

I'm really really struggling with my anxiety again recently. I was doing fine for years but my dad's death has made me slip again.

Even though to be honest he really wasn't a good dad, I'm still grieving for him and possibly everything I could have had.

My mum was an alcoholic but she was consistent in my whole life and still really struggle without her now.

I'm struggling to sleep, I feel constantly on edge, I can't not do anything because my brain just goes into overdrive and it makes me all panicky.

I'm also struggling with real death anxiety at the minute too.... I'm struggling with the concept of what actually happens afyer death and its making me ever so scared.

I feel so tired and drained and I feel that anxious that I've called in sick to work and said I have a stomach bug because I just can't face it.

I'm going to see a counceller/hypnotherapist this evening, she has smashing reviews and my consultation with her she made me feel very calm.

I have so much abandonment issues probably due to my dad abandoning me, and I'm so scared my husband will now leave me. (He's amazing and would never)

Sorry for such the long post. Suppose I just want someone else to talk too. And hope that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for me not just deeper spiraling anxiety and fear.

I do count myself lucky in other ways, I have both my nan and grandad still alive (mums side) whereas I know alot of people my age do not.
But then most people I know my age still have both parents.

Hello - sorry it has taken a while for you to get a response.

i have struggled with anxiety and I haven’t had to face half the challenges you have. No wonder you are struggling. I lost my mum - parental bereavement is so difficult and even more so if there’s additional difficult history. You sound traumatised and u shd treat it as that.

it sounds like you are doing all the right things, or at least most of the right things. The only thing that I thought was missing from what you’re trying is exercise and getting out in nature. It might not be what you feel like doing esp wen u r so tired but I think it can make such a huge difference with anxiety-in fact for me it’s the only thing that makes a difference. Try and do even a little every day but at the same time don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t managed to fit it in.

Actually, I also found that massage (my husband was happy to do this- maybe yours would?) made a difference-stuff like mindfulness etc didn’t make any difference when I was at my most anxious-it only works for me when I’m less anxious if that makes sense. So, massage, getting outdoors and exercise are the things that made the biggest impact including on my sleep – possibly because they affect body chemistry so much. I hope you start to feel better soon xx

Hi OP. What a tough time you've had, and no doubt you have abandonment issues. All of the feelings you're experiencing are associated with grief, deep overwhelming grief. Stick with the counselling and hypno, and maybe speak with the doctor about something to get you through this acute anxiety stage. Are you sleeping? You need sleep.

On top of the therapies and Dr's, I've found it really is important while grieving to try and keep the mind off of the scenario by keeping busy. Of course take time to sit with the grief, but when it starts to take over then try and keep busy - exercise, TV, activities with kids, being with friends. X

This is a good diagram to help understand what you're experiencing.

Hi thank you for replying.

I'm doing a little better since I posted this. I still have high anxoety and I'm not sleeping too well, but I am getting out of the house and going to work.

I went to the doctors and he prescribed me sertraline and also sleeping tablets, I haven't taken the sleeping tablets yet, but I have had the sertraline for 6 days.

I love getting out for walks, I take my dog to the fields every evening for about 1 hour, keeps me sane.

I know I've had it hard, but I always try and put it into perspective and realise that there is always someone somewhere who has had it worse than me.

well done for seeking help - that’s really constructive. It will get better but it’ll take time. I love this Matt Haig quote:

“Mental health problems don’t define who you are. They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but you are not the rain.”

This bad weather will pass xx