Sad that my dad isn't seeing my daughters grow up :(

[Ilovechocolate87]

My dad died aged 80 end of 2021 from natural causes, but suddenly in his sleep in hospital (we didn't get to say goodbye and i hadn't seen him for awhile beforehand due to covid)
I'm only 35 as he was an older father to me, and sadly when he died my daughters were only 4 and 5 weeks (he had never properly met youngest other than seen her briefly via video the day she was born, but he was very ill at the time)

We didn't have the easiest or closest relationship, but he was a good dad in many ways and had always been there for me, and I have many happy family memories of him particularly from childhood.
I try to console myself that he saw me settle down with a good man, get married, and had 5 years of being in DD1s life (although sadly most of the last 2 was lockdowns and him not being particularly mentally well)
But it's hard sometimes watching my girls grow up knowing he is missing all that- all of my youngest's first milestones, and her little character developing, the both playing together (I was an only child myself so he didn't get to see that then) and my oldest doing things like school nativity play etc.
He was never a particularly 'hands on' grandad, partly due to his age, so DD didn't have an especially close relationship with him and also she didn't see him alot in those last couple of years,but he still doted on and enjoyed her.
She is sweet when we go to his grave, and I'm trying to keep his memory alive with her, but realistically I know she won't really remember much of when he was alive.
It would have been his 82nd birthday on Saturday so I think its stirred things up for me abit.

Has anyone else found the hardest part of someone close to you passing away is watching your children grow up without them here to see and enjoy it?

Sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in May and even though he had been ill for a long time it was still quite sudden for us and we weren't there when he died. I agree, one of the things that saddens me is that as the years go by my younger children who are 6 will not know him as well as my older children. I'm trying to help his memory live on in them by watching a lot of the shows we used to watch together when I was younger and I recently took them on a little walk around where I used to live and where his mum lived etc. They loved hearing about it and that will be part of their memories of him now too xx

@Ilovechocolate87 my MIL died when my daughters were 4 and <6 months. She was the most amazing MIL one could ever wish for and was just so brilliant with DD1 in a way we definitely took for granted. My husband & I talk about this a lot. As we move away from April 2020 she remembers less and we accept it, albeit sadly. We’ve printed some photos so she feels free to ask about her as and when, and we still talk about her periodically in front of the girls. Of course you’ll naturally find yourself thinking of him & wanting to share the best of your daughters’ moments with him, and it will continue for years to come. But in a strange way it’s nice to feel sadness and loss because it shows the relationship was truly special? Or that’s how we see it now.
I wish you all the best with grieving and motherhood, especially trying to navigate grief when your second daughter was still so young. ♥️

Hi @Ilovechocolate87 sorry for your loss 😔 xx
My Dad passed away overnight at 60 yrs old. He never got to meet his grandson and granddaughter, they're both so young but when they get older i have lots of stuff to tell them about him and those old skool picture albums are defo coming out❤

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how you feel completely.

My dad was 77 when he died and I was 26, my son was 5 weeks old and he's never met my daughter.

He never liked having his picture taken, miserable sod so I only have a few to show the kids but he's left my son his ring so I'll tell them all about him.

My sons lost their dad when they were 15, they are now 21 and every day I think about what they have missed and what he missed. My MIL is still alive and has seen her grandchildren reach adulthood.
My dad died a few years before my husband , very unexpectedly and it was a shock , but I have to say that although it would be lovely to still have him here to be part of my life and my DTs , it's a far bigger loss for them to have lost their Dad and I don't dwell on what my dad missed out on as he saw me and my brother grow up , settled and with families of our own.

Sorry for your loss. My dad died at 70 when I was six months pregnant with dc2 and dc1 was just turned 3. I actually find it harder with dc1 because my dad adored him and also he's like my dad if that makes sense. Sporty, plays football for a club, wins sports days and wants to join the military. He looks like him too. I try and focus more on the fact that my dad would be proud of them both.

It’s something I think of too. My Dad passed away last year, and one of the saddest things is that he doesn’t get to see what happens next. He wasn’t here to see DS1 pass his exams or driving test, DS2 get a new job or open the birthday presents Dad had already bought, or DS3 starting a new school. I do believe in an after life which helps me a lot, but even so, he’s not “here” here to enjoy these events together with us.

Yes. We were three girls and my father was delighted when I had a boy. He was so proud. I was hoping they could have a special relationship and he might share his love of tennis etc. Sadly he passed away when my son was 5.
However, my husband then passed away suddenly a few months later. That was huge and I really think my son (now 19) has sorely missed not having these two generous, gentle, talented men in his life, to help guide him and be good role models.

Sorry for your loss OP.
My mum died over 10 years ago aged just 64. She never got to see my brother get married, or meet any of her grandchildren (my 2DC & my niece). Yes, it is really hard at times. Especially when I see friends with their parents being involved & I miss being able to talk to my mum about being a mum.
My PIL are fantastic & really do make up for the loss - they have a wonderful relationship with my DC but, yeah, it is still hard 20 years on knowing my DC will never know their grandmother & she them. She would have adored them.

Sorry for your loss, it is hard .My mil doted on my ds her only grandchild , she got lung cancer ( despite never having smoked ) when he was 3 and died when he was 5 . She absolutely loved being a grandma and it breaks my heart she only had 5 years with him . Life is cruel and so hard sometimes .