Anyone know about coroners at the moment?

[Quietplaces]

My mum died last Thursday and obviously it's been extremely hard anyway but for some reason the wait for the death certificate is really playing on my mind, feels like I can't get it out of my head.

She got ill at home and was taken to hospital but didn't survive long so although she technically died in hospital there's no question of it being their care etc so I was naively assuming it would be quite straightforward. We were told today it needs the coroner involved because it was so sudden and that they're backed up with the way things are but I've got no idea what that means in practice, a few days or a few weeks? We're in Mid Wales if that helps so not a busy city.

I'm not impatient, I just want to know whether to stay waiting for some news or that it'll be a longer time so try and forget it for now. If I knew it would be 3 weeks for example I think I could cope a bit better.

Hi, so sorry to hear about the death of your mum.

I think you can call the Coroner’s office and speak to the clerk.
in a previous job I had cause to phone them and they were extremely kind and helpful.
I’d suggest just be clear that you want a very rough idea so you can prepare yourselves rather than exact dates.

the attached might help (may not be your exact area)
this is obviously just a screen shot but it will give some idea.

I agree, ring the office and ask for an idea. If she needs a post mortem examination it will take a bit longer as it's a complex process. I would have expected around 2 weeks but it may be a little longer just now.

Just to say as well, i don't know if this will help, but I work in a hospital and fairly recently I attended a discussion with a colleague who works in the mortuary. She was talking about her work and the amount of care and love she put in to her work was truly inspirational. Your mum will be well looked after.

Thank you, didn't realise it was ok to call them and I wouldn't just be irritating them. I'll give them a call tomorrow, having read a little of this board in the meantime it looks like it'll be longer than I initially assumed, if they just give me the rough idea that would feel much easier to cope with.

Thank you, that really does help, part of what's got me so on edge is thinking of her just 'left' waiting on the side, which I know is unfair to the staff there but it sticks in my head. Hearing how much care they put in definitely helps.

Things will likely be taking longer due to backlog after Christmas. If they need to do toxicology tests or anything that can take months but they would hopefully be able to give you an interim death certificate in the meantime so that you can sort the funeral etc. Hopefully they will be able to establish the cause of death from the post mortem. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I lost my mum very suddenly in 2009 and we had to go through post mortem/ coroners and an inquest. It was the worst time of my life.

Sorry for your loss OP. My mums death got referred to the coroner but ultimately only needed discussion with them (not postmortem/other tests) and we were able to get the death certificate within a week. This was admittedly before the current pressures.

Hopefully the office will be able to give you an idea, I also found the not knowing timescales difficult

My Mum died in hospital on 26 November having fallen at home. The bereavement office at the hospital told me her case had been referred to the Coroner. A lovely lady from the Coroner's office phoned me on 17 December to say we could start funeral arrangements and Mum could be released from the hospital. Funeral on 16 January. She was very kind and explained why they needed to be involved. I was concerned about registering the death but she has sent me interim death certificates which can be used to close bank accounts etc. No post mortem but more of a fact finding process which will probably not be complete until later this year. I understand they will issue the final death certificate then.

Sorry for your loss op.

I lost a relative in similar circumstances at the start of December. We were told a pm would take a week, but we actually got the results in 3 days.

Give them a ring, hopefully knowing more will make it easier to deal with xx

Sorry for your loss OP.

I'm another who had a parent die when they'd not been in hospital long - ie an hour or so. It was my dad. His case was also referred to the coroner and we felt a bit in limbo. Similar to above, they decided that he didn't need a pm and that a death cert could be issued. Again, a LOVELY clerk rang to discuss, and to check we were OK with that. The whole process was rather reassuring. It was maybe 5 or 6 working days, I think?

I'm so sorry about your Mum OP 😥My lovely Dad passed away a week before your Mum. Dad is with the coroner, his post mortem date is 23rd Jan. I'm finding the limbo so sad, awful and frustrating. How are you coping?

Thank you so much for all the advice and well wishes. I called the coroner as advised, they were lovely and have arranged for the actual person dealing with mum to call me tomorrow. They said it's looking very likely that an autopsy will be needed though. I can't think of anything untoward why that would be, she was also in hospital barely more than an hour before she passed, but she had a long list of prior health conditions. I think it was must have been a stroke or heart attack that happened but I'm guessing they need to have something more certain?

I think I'm coping ok at the moment thank you, one minute feeling very guilty and strange that I don't seem to be all over the place or a mess, people must think I'm very cold hearted, but then feel very teary at random times. I think I'm unintentionally bottling it up at the moment, maybe it'll all come out when this is all settled.

It's horrible being in limbo isn't it, you can't even face it properly because nothing's really 'happening' yet. How are you managing?

OP I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you get some answers soon.

The coroners post mortem is not necessarily to look for anything untoward. It's done in situations where a person's death at the time was unexpected, and no doctor feels able to state a cause of death with certainty. As your Mum hadn't been at the hospital long, no one feels able to say exactly what she died of.

I’m really sorry for your losses. Take your time. You’re not in limbo, you’ll have so much to do. You can plan a lot of the funeral without a date, and start making a list of what needs doing, ie what needs closing once you do have a death certificate.

I think it’s quite common to be numb at this point. I’m a very emotional person normally, but found organising the funeral etc quite easy. I even read the eulogy faultlessly. Two months on I’m getting more and more emotional and upset - just as people seem to be expecting me to be ok!

ps, if you do have the job of closing everything down, leave a bank account until last, as you may well get cheques for refunds..

@Quietplaces you've summed it up perfectly, it is the fact nothing is happening yet that is so so hard. I really hope you get a date when the coroner's office call tomorrow. Let us know how the call goes x
Once people get over the initial shock of hearing the news I've found everyone has forgotten pretty quickly and expects me to be over it. I think that's because nothing has happened yet with funeral etc. Work just constantly makes me angry at the moment with forcing me back straight after he died and appalling comments from bosses.

@WhiteChocTwix can you get signed off? I am lucky enough to have sick pay so it was a no brainer.

My take on work, is that in 2 years no one there will remember I had time off, or that my parent died, or anything related to this bereavement. It’ll be ancient history to them. But I’ll always remember how I felt during the bereavement period and be glad that I took the time I need.

appreciate I’m fortunate to have an employer with a good sick / compassionate policy though.

Did you make any progress? Agree re the PM, it's not that there is any concern about how she came to die, it's just that they don't know. We so used to everything being diagnosed and worked out but it's not uncommon for somebody to die without it being obvious. The medics involved will likely have their ideas about what happened but they don't know and what's actually, I think, really powerful about this is process is that we do have to know. A cause will be agreed and it has to be accurate. Because your mum mattered and so what happened to her matters.
I have attended one inquest and I found it hugely healing actually. The work of the coroner can be assumed to be routine or box ticking but it's actually incredibly personal, dignified and about how valuable our loved one is.
None of that makes waiting easier of course.

Hi, sorry to have gone AWOL, have had issues with our house and work's been busy plus keeping an eye on Dad I feel like I've been in a blur! Coroner did phone back as agreed, explained how backed up they are and said it was likely to be about 4 weeks to have post mortem done, so we're now a little under 2 weeks from hopefully hearing back and having the body released.

Thank you @Northernlurker for the description of why the PM is so important, I've been looking at it as there was no-one to 'blame' so the quicker she can be laid to rest instead of 'waiting around' the better for her. You've made it sound so respectful though that they're taking it so seriously, even though she was already old and ill, and giving her the courtesy of finding out exactly what the cause was, makes it sound so much better than it just being a hold up.

I'm still struggling to grieve 'properly', I think I'm waiting for the funeral to over so the being in limbo feeling goes and I can focus more on how I'm feeling. It seems silly but I'm hoping people won't act like I'm bringing it up too late, like I should have been sadder earlier on not later.

The unreasonable irritation/anger (at other people not Mum) is still strong though. An old friend I used to be very close to for years who I've semi lost touch with (just drifted away a little as our children don't go to school together any more, no fallings out) sent me a kind message after hearing that Mum died, didn't reply to my reply to that message and hasn't contacted me at all since then. Another very close friend sent me lovely flowers and a couple of nice messages (I did reply) but has been completely silent since. I'm very hurt by this, like it only registered as an event for them and is 'over' now, I don't register as a person needing support to them - I know that may be unfair, they may not know what to say but they're very social people otherwise so they seem capable of keeping in touch, it's things like this I'm overly focused on at the minute.

People just don't know what to say. Also I think people can be concerned about 'getting in the way' when you might be busy and grieving
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Reach out to them, say youre struggling and ask to have a coffee and a chat