Regret

[DazedConfusedDone]

How do you learn to live with regrets once a loved one had died?

I keep ruminating over things I said in past arguments, things I did over the years, the things I didn't say or do but should have and I hate myself for them.

My rational self remembers things he said to me mid argument at times, the thoughtless and sometimes selfish things he did. I'm under no illusions that my DP was perfect, but I forgive him all those of those things because he was human and flawed, as we all are.

Why can't I apply that logic to myself? Will these feelings ever go away?

I went to the crematorium and wrote a letter that I put it where the ashes are scattered. I've been back since not often though as it makes me so sad. But I also try not to think of what ifs I'd said x etc as it does me no good

Hello, OP -

My beloved baby brother died suddenly four months ago in a freak accident. He was much younger and it has been a little bit like losing a child. Together with DH he was one of the two people I loved best.

Although I adored him and we hardly ever fought our relationship was far from perfect. I also berate myself all the time and it is awful. DH and friends who knew him point out how irrational I am being and it doesn’t matter. I am starting bereavement therapy this month. The charity CRUSE (if you are in the UK) has also been recommended to me and I might investigate that.

Wishing us all peace this year