Condolence cards

[Bananadramallamas]

Do young people send these?
I don't know whether to send one, don't want to do the wrong thing.

I find it hard to imagine when sending a condolence card could be deemed 'the wrong thing'. Send it, it will probably be appreciated. Better still if you have a personal memory of the deceased to share, but even a 'sorry for your loss, thinking of you' is better than not I would have thought.

Not so much, cards are not sent that much by the younger generation. I'm more inclined to write a message than send a card

I think more of relevance is what the generation is of the potential recipient?

I feel that, if I were bereaved, I would find receiving texts of condolence potentially more stressful than helpful. I would feel a pressure to respond (because that's what people do with texts). With cards you can open them when you feel strong enough, and then reread messages later down the line and take comfort from them.

Maybe if I were 30 I'd feel differently, but I'm 50s?

I think a card is always, aLeah’s appreciated. It’s about knowing that someone took the time to go out and buy one and write a message and send it. It shows that someone cares, and when you’re feeling vulnerable and bereaved, that matters a lot. I always send cards and so do my friends.

always, rather!

I think more of relevance is what the generation is of the potential recipient?

I feel that, if I were bereaved, I would find receiving texts of condolence potentially more stressful than helpful. I would feel a pressure to respond (because that's what people do with texts). With cards you can open them when you feel strong enough, and then reread messages later down the line and take comfort from them.

Maybe if I were 30 I'd feel differently, but I'm 50s?

This imo. My grandmother remarried after being widowed and thus despite being in her late 70s, my mum has nieces in their 20s. When my dad died a few years ago cards were much easier to deal with. I read them and made a list for mum. Not sure she's even read then yet and he's been dead nearly 5 years. Texts would have been much more intrusive and harder to deal with. Luckily everyone sent cards even the family members in their early 20s.

I got texts after he died from my close friends but for my mum, cards were absolutely appropriate regardless of age/closeness of sender.

@Bananadramallamas What age are you classing as “young”? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m 32 and have always sent cards.

It's never wrong to write, but a letter is immeasurably more meaningful for the recipient, if only because hardly anyone does it.

Do it.

A card is nice or even better a personal letter with memories of the person if you knew them or write a short letter in the card.

I personally find actual bereavement cards a bit depressing so I buy ones with more uplifting pictures on, such as a National Trust card, and then write a more positive message in. When you look back on cards it is comforting to read a personal message about the loved one and remember them that way.

My favourite card when my mother died was one that told a story about meeting her that I hadn't heard before - it was just so typically mum (chatting to a stranger on a bus) and it was lovely to hear something new once my own chance of "new" had stopped.

I do the same @gingergiraffe I always think to myself how I'd feel if I received a lovely panoramic view of Snowdonia or a lavender field on the Isle of Wight and it would be more uplifting and comforting to be close to nature at a time of loss. Having said that a card with words n can be helpful if you're lost for words. Either way when it is done with sincerity and care, it will mean a lot to the person suffering.

age has nothing to do with it and definitely wouldn't be doing the wrong thing.

I appreciated cards when I lost my DH recently in my early 30s. I’ve kept them all in a box.

@gingergiraffe ’s idea is lovely.

Everyone feels differently. My husband and his 2 brothers refused to open and look at any condolence cards when their mother died - they were all in their 40s at the time. So I opened them and have kept them in a box in the attic in case any of them change their minds - 10 years on, I doubt that will ever happen.
But the 3 of them did appreciate people's kind gestures - they just didn't want to see or read the cards.

@daisychain01 I recently sent a card with lavender fields on to a bereaved relative! She had recently lost her daughter, my second cousin who was only 50. It’s always so hard to know what to say in such circumstances. That is the kind of card I would appreciate in such circumstances.

Even looking at the beautiful blues and mauves of lavender is calming. Sorry for your loss @gingergiraffe

I got lots when my DH died (I was 36) and I appreciated them all. The best ones were the ones that included a memory of him.

Definitely a kind thing to do. I kept all the cards I got when my son died. Lots of his friends sent letters, emails, even long texts. I printed all of those and put them in a folder with the cards. I take them out and look at them from time to time because it keeps his memory alive.
A card represents a thought and the fact that someone took a little bit of trouble and effort to acknowledge your loss.

I agree with many above, it brought comfort to me when my DW died. We had so many and it was in a way a physical demonstration to our DC of how much she was loved from so many people. I've kept the cards, not to really read, but if the DC ever ask when they're adults, it's a bit of a record of history of their Mum, as there are some lovely personal memories contained in some of them cards.

Excuse the grammar, didn't proof read!

I would always send a card and flowers to pay my respects to the family. But…

my mum has just died and I don’t want cards or reminders of her death. No matter how lovely and nice they are - they are sat in a far away corner in my house. Turns out my brother and dad are doing the same thing.