Dying parent

[BlessedBeyondMeasure]

I have been blessed with an amazing father. He was recently diagnosed with extremely aggressive cancer and was given months to live. He is relatively young (late 60s), and it has been hard on my whole family. Other than lots of quality time together, is there anything we should be doing to make his last bit of life special?

Sounds like u r doing the most important thing already by having time together.

when my mum was dying I used to sometimes write down things she’d said when I’d been to visit her. I’ve got so many lovely notes of things she said - funny, poignant, mundane, a real mix.

look at photos together and record/write his recollections.

try and tell him what he means to u. I felt grief was so much easier to bear due to having told my mum what a wonderful mum she’d been and how much I loved her.

keep a diary to let emotions out and to make sense of it all.

if he can go places or do stuff then do that- even short outings if he’s up to it.

read up about anticipatory grief.

sorry for the hard time u r going thru.

I am sorry for what you are going through right now. I lost my Mum two weeks ago to a form of cancer which she had for 10 years. I experienced anticipatory grief and although things have still been awful, the plans I had put in place have helped and enabled me to support my family. Spend time with your Dad, make some more memories if he is up to it, chat about everything and anything, joke and laugh, take him some of his favourite food if he is still able to enjoy it or his favourite tipple, tell him that you love him. Look through some old photos and recall the memories but most of all make sure you know of his end of life wishes and check that he has a DNR in place. Sadly just because someone has a terminal illness does not mean that if paramedics have to be called that they will not attempt resus if there is no DNR. It is an awful situation and a horrible conversation to have, but so very important. Take very good care of yourself too, try and eat and sleep as best you can and take time out if you need to. Sending my thoughts to you.

I’m so sorry, OP. My Dad died in the summer and one of the things I wish I’d done more of is being quiet, and just being there with him, without always feeling the need to ask he if wanted x,y, or z, or if I could get him anything. For me, it was a way of showing my love — and everyone’s different, of course, but I think sometimes I should have just sat quietly with him, letting him talk if he wanted…

My dad died in summer too and I did exactly the same DMlady. I think my dad got a bit irritated. He didn’t like me telling him I loved him either, we were never that kind of family, despite clearly loving one another.

I actually found the anticipatory grief almost harder than the end.

Just get through it however suits your family best. We’re all different. Some dying people want their family there, some don’t. Look after yourself too. It can be exhausting emotionally.

Look at hospices early. My best friend died in one, and they were superb. I tried to get my dad in one, but the end came too quickly.

Sending lots of love, my Dad died on 0th October, it was similar, although he didn't know the extent of the cancer as this was his preference.

As others have said, spend as much time with him as you can, if you drive and he's up to it take him for drives (my Sister did a lot of this), read to him if that's something he likes, talk about old times, look at photos. ITry and find out as much as you can about funeral wishes, write things (I had been doing this for years and found it really helpful for the eulogy). Take care of yourself as best as you can, 🎒🌷 Sorry the emoji bit didn't quite work

Sorry meant to type 30th October