Feeling down at this time of year

[hallesmelly]

I lost my dad 4 years ago quite suddenly to an aggressive form of cancer. He was only in his early fifties and it was utterly horrendous how quickly he deteriorated. I don't think I've ever really processed the awfulness of that time, I just try not to think about it as it's too painful.

Since we lost him nothing has been the same. My mum is a shell of her former self and drinks a lot. We don't do as much in terms of family holidays or days out because he always organised that sort of thing. I have tried but I have young dc and it's not always easy and to be honest it's not as much fun without him there either.

My eldest who was very close to him still gets upset and asks impossible questions like why did god decide to take my grandad. I can't answer him and it really breaks my heart that he lost such a strong and loving role model. Younger dc won't remember him and my baby never met him.

When it gets to this time of year it hits home even more. Just such a massive absence. Dh family also not around so we really just have me, dh, our dc and my mum. I know im lucky to have them but I just can't help but feel like Christmas will be a bit dismal. I feel jealous of friends who have massive families and huge get togethers. I will make it fun for the dc but I won't have fun myself, I already know that.

Sorry for the pointless rant but I guess I just wondered if anyone else was in the same boat. It's hard to talk about in real life as most people assume I've just moved on from it now because I guess to an outsider I'm just getting on with life.

My dad died 27 years ago when I was a child. Christmas has never really been the same since. For years, it felt like a weird day where his absence was very keenly felt. I would say it's only been since my DS was born that it's changed. The only advice I can offer is to try and make new traditions different from what you had before. As time goes on, it will get easier. You're still not that far into it. I still miss my dad at Christmas, but life has moved on for us now.

My Dad died in December some years ago now. We had the funeral just before Christmas. I miss him very much.
My husband died the following year suddenly when our kids were small. That Christmas was almost unbearable, but I got through it for the kids. Of course every Christmas since then is bittersweet, but I have managed to impart a love for Christmas in my children, filled with good memories not sad ones.

I'm so sorry for both of your losses and for you to lose your dh as well @mondaytosunday that must have been terrible :(

My dh often says that we are the ones making the traditions and creating the fun now. It's just how life moves along. I still find it so hard though. My dad should still be here, he was so young.

I read somewhere recently that time doesn’t heal grief but you grow around it. This rings true to me. It doesn’t go away but very slowly you find that you’re stronger than you thought you were and you continue to grow as a person. I lost my own dad as a child at Christmas time and this time of year can be very painful but in a way there’s also lots of distractions at Christmas too. I go all out with decorations, I watch Christmas movies etc. Don’t force it if it doesn’t feel right though, do whatever feels good for you xxx

I am sorry for both of your losses. My dad died 36 years ago and it still upsets me as I've never really come to terms with it. My partner committed suicide in December last year,it was and still is massive loss. To the outside world I too look as if I'm.moving on,but I'm.not. I.do agree that making different traditions is a good idea. I am going away after Christmas for a week with a mate. It will be easier than being maudlin here. Have u considered counselling? I was never open to this sort of thing but knew I could not try and bury this grief like I did when my dad died. Take care. Be kind to yourself.