DS has lost his best friend

[Fleetheart]

My 18 year old DS has just heard that his friend has died. They were very close, spoke every day although friend away studying. My DS is stunned at the moment. Has been prone to anxiety and
depression and I want to support
him the best I can. Can anyone suggest how I can best do this. I’m feeling in shock as
well.

Oh that's so sad, my condolences.

If you can, hug your boy. He will need his mum.

Let him talk about it, and about his friend. You don't say the circumstances but it's likely to unsettle him and he might be feeling rather vulnerable.

My DS lost a friend (not as close) to suicide when they were 14. It was very hard and it affected my DS more than he let on. Make sure your DS talks (to you or someone else) honestly about how he is feeling, whatever the circumstances of the death. Make sure he has another friend to lean on too and encourage him to open up.

I think his generation are pretty good about celebrating their lost friends so encourage him to set up an online memorial /charity fundraiser of some sort and for them to keep in touch with the family of the lost boy. Attending the funeral is important too, so help with logistics/travel costs of that if needed.

WhatsApp is a really good way of keeping in touch with your DS too. I send daily messages to my DS, and when he's going through a hard time, gentle messages about the inconsequential stuff like pictures of pets etc can help him to feel the love and security of home, to help give him strength to navigate his grief.

I wish you and your dear boy well in navigating through this very sad and difficult time.

Please can I also signpost you to these useful resources

www.hycscounselling.co.uk/self-help-hub/a-z-support-directory/resources-b/

I dont want to assume but if he lost his friend to suicide Google "If You Care Share" they run a text counselling service that you can text at any time and a lot of teens find that easier than talking.

My best friend died when I was 17 and it affected me. But it was a long time ago and counselling wasn't a thing.

I would be keeping him close. Help him decide if he's going to the funeral, if so what he should wear. Cook for him, chat to him about his friend. Get some photos out. Be gentle. Try and get him to do normal things at normal times (eat and sleep). And when the shock has worn off, get him some bereavement counseling. Make it normal to have counselling, because he may need some again after an initial bout.

Did he know the lads parents? I went to see my friend's mom and spent some time with her. He may not want to do this even if he did know them (or they might not want to do that). Find out.
Do they have mutual friends? Do they want to get together?

My heart goes out to him. And to you supporting him through this.

@hidingmyusername gives great advice. I would also acknowledge that it's very sad and also very unusual to die so young. Shock is a very normal response at this stage.

Yes you are both in shock. Take it easy today and try and have no expectations of either him or yourself. Simple things - food, hydration, rest, and encourage him to talk but don't press him if he's finding it hard. He may well want to spend time with mutual friends or he may want to be quieter - encourage him to trust his own feelings as to what he needs.

I'm so sorry, what an awful loss. 💐

thank you all so much; we don’t know the precise circumstances: drugs involved but we don’t know if intentional or misadventure. He knows the boy’s mum; I don’t. such a terrible loss for them x

DD's boyfriend died suddenly when they were both 14. He had an undiagnosed heart condition and collapsed one evening while out with his mates. It affected her really badly and in think changed the course of her life. She went from being a good student to barely scraping though her GCSEs and opted for the local college instead of staying on for sixth form at her school - to get away from the memories.