Guilt.

[oneboy3girls]

My Dad died yesterday. I wasn't there. Due to childcare. How much would he have known I wasn't there.He died 20 minutes after my Uncle and I spoke to him on the phone.So upset about this.Please reassure me .Thankyou.

oh I am so sorry for your loss. You had just spoken to him, your dad knew that you loved him.

You spoke to him 20 minutes before he passed away. That conversation, knowing you were safe and with your lovely children, may well have been the reassurance he needed to let him know it was ok for him to go peacefully.

Don't feel guilty.

Thankyou for answering .This has really helped.
I hope he knew. Would he know I wasn't in the room?
I can't believe he has died.

So sorry for your loss. I’ve heard loved ones can go when comfortable after speaking to family, as it’s reassuring. I’m sure he would have remembered your words. Difficult times, sending hugs. X

I'm so sorry OP. From a diff angle, if you were elderly and unwell and your kids had parental obligations what would you want them to do? ❤️❤️❤️

Thankyou for your comforting words.

Im so sorry for you loss.

In a sense, i believe you were "in the room" because right up to the end, he held you in his heart. And if he had just spoken to him minutes earlier, you would have been uppermost in his thoughts too.

Also i do think even if you were right by his side, you would still find something to feel guilty about. A remembered conversation from the past when you said something harsh; a missed opportunity to spend time together; a moment you didnt give him your full attention as you fell asleep at his bedside. There is always something to regret, and grief often filters your memories in a very upsetting way at first.

But as time passes, the nightmares and the guilt and anger and shock and unbearable sadness subside a bit and you do learn to live with your grief.

Don't find ways to torture yourself. A lifetime of love counts more. Fwiw, I sat by my dad's side for days. He died in the few minutes I wasn't there. I figured he didn't want me to see him die.

Let it go. My dad was nursed at home by my mum when he was dying of cancer in his early forties. My mum sat with him every night. One night, she got the cancer nurse in to sit with him so she could sleep. The nurse woke her in the middle of the night and told her to come but by the time she got to the bedroom, he had died. She felt very guilty that the one night she hadn't been there, he had died but sometimes they don't want us with them when they pass. They know they're loved ❤️

He knew you loved him, a lifetime of that is so much more important than being there physically at the end. I do empathise as I felt the same when my dad died, we were unable to be with him due to covid and so a nurse held his hand. But thay doesn't take away the memories we have together, the last time we spoke and the fact he knew we all loved him dearly. Time has helped, be kind to yourself and sorry for your loss.