stayhome, you are not moaning, you have been through alot, i almost could have written your post, the similarities are scary. Well, the same but different, it was like everything happened at once, and it wasnt really until it all calmed down that things hit me. You say you just put things down to losing your mum, but that is such a big thing. I think we try and lock it away, i know i did with my dad, and then dont understand what is wrong with us when the greif bites us in the behind, usually out of the blue.
Northern lurker is right. You are really young, which is a positive. You have a wonderful baby, enjoy him, make the most of these precious years when he is your little man at home. But you can use this time to think about all the exciting things you might like to do when he is off your hands a little bit. Think about what career path you might like to follow and find out what you need to do to achieve that. Then set about finding ways to do it. OK so it wont be as straight forward as if you did it when you left school, but you will most likely do better as you will have your family to motivate you. It worked this way for me - i left school at 16 with nothing, i went back to college, spookily at 24, loved it so much i have pretty much stayed in education ever since. When i was at uni, i was technically a "mature" student. But actually most of the mature students were a lot more mature than i was. Lots in their 40s etc, and most went on to brilliant jobs.
I think it is really difficult to be positive when you have had so much shit to deal with. It throws your brain off balance chemically and sometimes you need some chemical help to get it back in working order. Much like hurting your back, you wouelnt refuse pain killers if you had a back ache. There is no reason why you should become dependant, so long as you get some counselling to sort out your head regarding your anxieties. I have found that the ADs i am on have given me the strength to see a future for myself. They dont magic the pain away, i dont think the pain of losing a loved one ever goes away, but it is easier to deal with. And time makes things less raw, even though it is cliched, its true.
I truly admire your spirit and i think that anyone who can still get out of bed after what you have been through, can do anything she sets her mind to doing.
Bless your hubby about taking baby out in cold, i think it is more likely to be because he is a man, rather than turkish, that he is overprotective. It is understandable with him being early and all. Maybe you could ask your HV to reassure him that getting him out and about is the best thing for him, and you!