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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

missing my mum

22 replies

buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:05

Hi all. I lost my mum nov 28th suddenly she was 48. Im near 7months pregnant with my 2nd,thought i was doing o.k but just lately its getting abit to much,keeping on a brave face for every1 especially my daughter whos only 2. Has any 1 been through the same? I would love to just talk to my mum again.

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MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 12:06

haven't lost my m um so can't advise but just wanted to say sorry for your loss - it must be very hard and sad.

MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 12:06

and she was very young so it must seem very unfair

kindersurprise · 28/01/2008 12:07

So sorry for your loss.

I think that being pregnant must be the absolute worst time to be without your mum.

Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to? You need to be able to live out your grief, and not put on a brave face all the time.

Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:09

thanks maryann. Im near 8months i got a lil confused,ha. I hope shes watching over me and lil 1s

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CaptainUnderpants · 28/01/2008 12:10

Hi ,

You will find alot of us on MN that have lost our Mums. My Mum died last summer and I will say that the thought of Mothers Day coming up , with the school concerts for Mothers day are filling me with dread .

You must really feel it especailly as you are pregnant. I remeber when I had DS2 my Mum , as she was ill then , didn't see him until he was a 1yr old .

sometimes you have to let it all out as you cannot be strong all the time . I get upset in front of my two , although much older than yours ( 7 & 5 ) but it helps then to undersatnd my feelings.

Thinking of you xx

loujay · 28/01/2008 12:11

Hi Buzzzybee,
There are several people on here who have lost their mums (me included)
I had my 2nd 6 months ago, and can completely understand how you are feeling, especally with hormones all over the place.
It is still soon for you, and believe me, things will get better.
I still think about my mum and its been nearly 3 years since she passed.
The only advice I can give you is.........keep going, focus on your daughter and the little one on the way, but take time out to think of your mum in a positive way for a few minutes each day.
It may also be helpful to you to find someone to talk to (I found a bereavement councellor helped).
Sending you much love and hugs, feel free to let go on here if you have to, there is always someone around to talk.

Wisteria · 28/01/2008 12:12

buzzzybee, lost my Mum nearly 4 years ago and sometimes I struggle still. I really feel for you.

It must be doubly hard being pregnant and having a wee one too. Mine were older when I lost mine and that was hard because I had to cope with all their grief but you are pg and probably rushed off your feet. Have you considered giving Cruse Bereavement Care a call - they have some fabulous one to one counsellors who are there for you to talk to, although there may be a bit of a wait ?

I imagine you just want to tell her things and ask advice etc - men just aren't the same. Did she have a sister or best friend you could turn to? I am close now to Mum's best friend and she is always there for me - to be honest I think it helps her as much as it does me, it's very often worse in a way for friends as they have no understanding/ sympathy for their loss.

Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:12

I have a great partner whos helping me so much but when hes at work it gets abit much,im not getting on great with family probably cos we're all quite young and its hard to deal with. My mum was a single parent it was always just us

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tigana · 28/01/2008 12:14

Don't feel you have to be strong and put on a brave face for everyone...you are the one who has lost your mum, and suddenly, and while you are pregnant. Who can be strong and brave for you? DH/DP, good friend?

My mum died 10 years ago, aged 50.
I do get sad thinking how great she would have been as a granny for ds, and its particularly hard as she died when I was 19 and we hadn't quite mended those teenage rifts (she was a mildly messed up mother...but I know I could have coped with her in my twenties far better than I did in my teens...)

So sorry for your loss.

Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:18

Thanks u guys it means alot x i cry but i feel a bit guilty as my daughter dosnt know y bless her. I m having good and bad days,past 2 days ive been thinking far to much,i maybe take my lil 1 to the park for a bit

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tigana · 28/01/2008 12:21

It is still really early days buzzybee, 2 months is nothing, plus it was sudden ( my mum had cancer so I did some pre-grieving too). Good idea to try to take your mind off things for a while, but also make sure you don't stop yourself grieving all together.

Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:21

Thanks Tigana my makeups running now! ha i'm feeling abit better thankyou

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MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 12:26

I'm sure she's wayching over you buzzzy - I do believe that..btw there is a bereavement thread I started for those who had lost brothers or sisters as children might be worth a look - the thread did show just how supportive and lovely mumsnet can be - will link to it...

MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 12:27

watching I meant...
here is thread

Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:29

thanks i feel bad more for my little brother and sis as they only 15 and 13 being at school with all ther mates is really helping them. I think this is the worst pain ever!

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Original poster
buzzzybee · 28/01/2008 12:31

Feel for u maryann must be hard x

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MaryAnnSingleton · 28/01/2008 12:33

thank you buzzzy, it was a very ;long time ago though...your story touched me as I'm about your mum's age

Luceinwales · 08/03/2008 22:21

Hi, I lost my mum three weeks ago and my first baby is due in three weeks too. I'm 22 and not sure how i'm going to cope, I do not have any brothers or sisters. It's hard to try and be strong for my dad but inside i'm crippled. If you fancy having a chat sometime my email is [email protected]. I typed into google my situation, hoping to come across other people going thru what I am. Lucy x

Original poster
buzzzybee · 10/03/2008 13:33

hi lucy how ru? Sorry for ur loss its so hard to deal with. How is ur pregnancy going? i have bout 7 wks left. I know its really hard to do but i'm getting through it by trying not to think to much and keep my mind busy on the future although some days it seems to hit really hard. Do u have a partner? close friends? is ur email bite the dust? x

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2shoes · 10/03/2008 13:35

buzzzybee >> My mum died when I was 18(an old now) my mum was only 56. so sorry for your loss.

jellyrolly · 10/03/2008 13:48

Hi buzzzybee and luce,

I feel for you. I lost my mum and have found it harder since I was pregnant with ds2 now 6mnths, ds1 is 2.

Just wanted to pass on something my counsellor said. That the love you feel and receive from your children will heal you in time. I thought that was a lovely way of looking at it, made me feel a bit better.

Lots of it. x

Original poster
buzzzybee · 10/03/2008 14:24

thankyou 2shoes and jellyrolly x I do believe that aswell,my daughter makes me stronger. And baby bump is making me look 4ward to the future x

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