Qm I being unreasonable

[Jillybean2206]

So long story short I have my middle daughter and grandchildren living with me I do most things for my grandchildren and my daughter as she is constantly at work providing for her children as she is a single parent she is an amazing mum to the children last year I lost my husband he was 47 it happened out off the blue so you can imagine how utterly devastating it was for us as a family and me as a wife I still haven't grieved for him as in a window off 12 weeks we lost 3 members off the family 3 deaths and 3 funerals in 12 weeks I had to go to my dad's funeral 5 days after my husband's death I didn't make it through the funeral I ran well its been 18 months now and I've kept myself busy with family I haven't had a day on my own I've always got someone with me well my daughter has met someone who she is very happy with and has started to stay over at her new partners she has taken it slow and slowly introduced the the children which is fantastic but she has a 16 year old son that she thinks that he can stay at home with me he isn't a problem he is a good kid and I love him dearly but I've insisted that she take all the children with her as I need some me time as when she eventually moves out the nest will be empty all over again and I'm going to have to get used to being on my own so I insisted she take all 3 as I need to be on my own and it turned in to an argument I told her I need this time to myself I lost my husband last year I haven't grieved and her answer was you can't keep bringing it up am I missing something here is she telling me that I'm not allowed to grieve or the grieving process is over considering I personally don't even think I've started the grieving process properly over my husband am I being selfish this has really upset what would you do in my position 💔

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and you should be able to have time alone to grieve. Your grandson is your daughters responsibility. I am sure you will have the grandchildren to visit after she moves but actually housing the 16 year old is a very different matter. Let her know you really don't want to fall out over this but your answer is No.

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a terrible time. It seems from your post that your daughter has rather taken you for granted while she’s been going through changes in her life and you’ve done a great deal to support her, putting your own emotions to the side.

You’re absolutely right to insist that your grandson goes to live with his mother. It’s not clear why your daughter wants him to stay with you. However, he’s not your responsibility and in any case, the family should be together.

Keep quietly insisting that he can’t stay with you as you need time to yourself now. Your daughter may not like it but she’ll have to accept it. Tell her you don’t want to fall out with her but that time to yourself is urgently needed. Most women who have lost their husband or partner take a while to grieve, going through all the emotions of anger, hurt and so on. You’ve not been able to do this but you can’t keep putting it off or your mental health will suffer.

Is there anyone else in the family who could speak to her? Also, I think you should explain all this to your grandson so that he understands that you need to be on your own for a while.

It might be helpful to you to look on the Cruse Bereavement website www.cruse.org.uk. They have very good information about the grieving process and you could show this to your daughter to explain in more detail how you feel. It’s easy for young people to think that an older person will quickly get over the loss of a spouse and your daughter might need to know that’s far from true.

I hope that you can reach an understanding.