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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

I miss my mum so much today

23 replies

ManicMother2 · 08/10/2022 20:17

Hi all.
I just need a place to talk and get my feelings out.

My mum died in November last year. She was amazing and beautiful and kind. I just miss her so much.

I graduated today and she never got to see me achieve it.

My child started second school and she never got to see him in his uniform.

I just want to see her, hug her, have a cup of tea with her.

I miss her so much.

One moment I'm okay and the next I'm in floods of tears.

OP posts:
beccahamlet · 08/10/2022 20:19

How horrid. Poor you. Bereavement is a roller coaster. Your mum sounds lovely, so do you. xx

otherwayup · 08/10/2022 20:21

Your sadness is so raw in your post.
Your mum sounds lovely, would it help to talk about her?
I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

bloodywhitecat · 08/10/2022 20:23

It never stops hitting you does it, it's like a punch to the stomach, the kind that winds you. I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

ClearButtons · 08/10/2022 20:24

Congratulations on your graduation and I'm so sorry your mum wasn't there to see it.

Allow yourself to feel what you need to - missing you mum is inevitable and it's normal to feel sad. It's been 15 years for me and I still get moments.

Hope you are ok Flowers

Mouthfulofquiz · 08/10/2022 20:25

the previous poster is correct when they say it’s a rollercoaster. My mum died 3 and a half years ago and sometimes I can barely remember her. Then today I was talking with the mum of a friend of mine and it really brought it home that I don’t have a mum any more. It’s so hard. I hope you’re okay xx

MumofSpud · 08/10/2022 20:26

I have no advice but I know exactly how you feel - I have found that messages of support on MN are a great help
I find the waves of grief awful - 1 min ok the next in floods as you say x
I have also found that I am looking for 'signs' ALL the time - do you do this?

ParkheadParadise · 08/10/2022 20:28

Grief hits you when you least expect it. Its fucking hard to deal with.
It's best to go with it instead of bottling up your feelings.
The first year is horrendous all the firsts without them plus its coming up to your mum's anniversary.

Do you talk about her alot?

LifeIsntAllDiamondsAndRoseButItShouldBe · 08/10/2022 20:32

Sending you lots of love and strength.

My Dad died in May and it hits me at such random times and when it does it's like a tidal wave.

Sending love xxxx

TinyKittenPaw · 08/10/2022 20:35

No advice really, but so sorry for your loss.

When I feel sad about people close to me who have passed, I take a minute to think about what they would have said to me at that time or the advice that they would have given - it’s so instant to me what they would have said that I feel like they are still there, so strong was the impression that they left and how well I knew them. It reminds me the connection is still there even if I can’t see them.

Original poster
ManicMother2 · 08/10/2022 20:42

Thanks all.

I don't believe in heaven or hell or ghost so to me she's just gone. That truly hurts.

I try to talk about her to my husband but he just says I know your sad, I miss your mum too.

My mum was the most important person to me (apart from my children). She use to knit toys for all the children in the family and friends of the family.

She would ring me if and tell me to bring the kids round if she hadn't seen them for a few days.

We use to watch bake off together and pick a winner from the start. Christmas was her favourite time of the year.

She was and is my role model on how I'm bringing up my children.

She was so proud when I went to university.

She was my rock and I feel so lost without her.

I always knew today would be hard without her, but it hurts so much more than I thought it would.

Thank you all for listening

Here are some flowers for you all 💐

OP posts:
Arbesque · 08/10/2022 21:07

My mother died last year. The hurt is still shocking sometimes. I do believe in an after life which helps greatly. I'm sorry you don't.
It must be so hard. But our mums shape and make us, and that is their important legacy x

lollipoprainbow · 08/10/2022 23:13

My lovely mum died a week ago. She was my rock, best friend, my everything, we spoke at least once a day. I adored her. She was just always there. Now I'm putting all my efforts into giving her a good send off. I miss her so much already.

ParkheadParadise · 08/10/2022 23:16

Sorry for your loss @lollipoprainbow
I'm sure you will give her a lovely send off.
Take care of yourself.

Original poster
ManicMother2 · 09/10/2022 23:26

@lollipoprainbow I'm Sorry for your loss. Im sure you will give her the best send-off. Look after yourself and take time to grieve.

Thank you all for your kind words. They are appreciated

OP posts:
serin · 10/10/2022 10:19

ManicMother2 She sounds just like my mum right down to the picking a bake off winner. Mine died 3 weeks ago, we are still waiting for a funeral date.
I also don't believe in heaven/hell or ghosts but to me she isn't just gone because I really feel her presence in my heart. Her influence in all my actions, my mannerisms, the way I speak and most of all, I see her legacy (her grandchildren, her garden, her cookbooks) all around me.

Here's a (hug) for all of you .

Canigoonroblox · 10/10/2022 10:39

Your Mum sounds just lovely. It’s only when they are gone that that huge loss is felt. I lost my Mum 3 years ago, like yours she loved bake off and strictly. A Mum is the only person who you can really depend upon your whole life and can never be replaced. This makes it so hard, but we are so lucky to have had them with us. Xx

Tatialeja94 · 13/10/2022 22:35

My mum passed away on 1/10/2022. It all seems like a bad dream atm and the grief comes like crashing waves

lollipoprainbow · 13/10/2022 22:47

@Tatialeja94 my mum also died 1.10.22, so hard isn't it Flowers

Tatialeja94 · 13/10/2022 22:55

Its a pain unlike amy other. Im sorry to hear we both lost our mums on the same day. If u need a chat im here. I joined the thread to try and find someone to relate to as i feel so isolated in losing my mum

lollipoprainbow · 13/10/2022 23:05

@Tatialeja94 thank you.x

lollipoprainbow · 14/10/2022 12:18

Struggling today after seeing mum in chapel of rest yesterday it was lovely but made me realise she's finally gone. I feel homesick if that makes sense and terribly terribly alone in the world. Can't believe she's not still in the world.

TheGander · 15/10/2022 18:26

Can’t think of anything to say @lollipoprainbow except it’s just awful. My mum died when I was 27, that’s 28 years ago and I still think it’s bloody awful and unfair. The main positive for me is gradually I filled my life with good things and so the pain of not having my mum was diluted. I can totally understand the homesickness, with her gone there was no “ home “ to go back to. You are not alone, although it seems horribly like it now. Wishing you strength.

lollipoprainbow · 15/10/2022 21:10

@TheGander thank you x my sister died at 59 and left my nephew without his mum at 28 so I get how tough it must be to lose your mum so young, I had none for 48 years so feel very blessed xx

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