Anxiety reliving partners death

[DazedConfusedDone]

My partner died this week. He'd been suffering from a horrible illness for a few years - he'd been steadily deteriorating and we both knew that it would ultimately lead to death, but when the time came, it came very swiftly and somewhat unexpectedly.

He'd been in hospital and I'd seen him earlier that day and seemed a bit better, but that evening I was alerted by that his condition had very suddenly deteriorated. I raced there and was able to be with him until he died. He was unconscious the whole time I was there but I was so grateful to be there with him until the end.

Now I keep having flashbacks that make me feel like I'm having a panic attack. At the time, I was quite calm.

I'm sure this is a normal part of grief. I've never really suffered from anxiety before, bit I'm just breathing through it and trying not to fight that feeling - I think it's my brain coming to terms with what happened?

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Yes, your brain is processing what happened. Honestly, my mum died in front of me two years ago and I can still see it as clear as day. I don't know how long it takes for that to go away, or if it ever will.
What I suggest though is some counselling. It really helped me.

Sending you hugs.

I'm so sorry, that is a hard thing to go through.

Sending you lots of love.

My son died two years ago. I still have flashbacks and dreams but it has eased over time.

I can find comfort in the fact that I was there, and the reason I have trauma is because I was with him.

I recommend therapy but also please be gentle with yourself. It's still such early days, it will take time.

It's like all the wires in your brain have been pulled out and slowly, you will reconnect them.

It takes a physical toll on you.

Do you have people looking after you?

I had a sense of panic after watching my mum die. It will calm down eventually. The vision of it does decrease.

Thank you for your replies and sorry for all your losses, @fruitstick I can't even begin to imagine losing a child.

Definitely plan to get some counselling and I'm really fortunate to have a lot of support from family and friends.

Flashbacks, intrusive memories and nightmares are a normal response to trauma, including trauma in bereavement like you experienced. For many they disappear quickly, most by 6 months after the event. When these symptoms don't disappear, psychological therapy for PTSD is indicated.

At the moment, you might benefit from a counselling approach around bereavement but its completely up to you whether that would seem helpful. I'm so sorry for your loss and what you experienced x

Thank you, that's really helpful to know. I'm not sure how helpful counselling will be, but I'm fully prepared to give it a go - I have nothing to lose from it.

https://www.boredpanda.com/ball-in-box-analogy-dealing-with-loss/?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=organic&utmcampaign=organic

I sent this to my MIL when she was dealing with this kind of grief and she says it helped her.

So sorry for your loss 😔💐

Thank you, I loved that article.

You are in such early days and it sounds like a very reasonable response to the intense time you've just been through. You had to hold yourself together while DP needed you and now you're 'allowed' to process it.

Very glad you have supportive people around you, it's an awful thing to go through

My darling mum died last Saturday from dementia. She'd been on end of life for a week and I'd sat with her watching her awful noisy breathing. I saw her soon after she died and I cannot stop from replaying all the images etc in my mind.

Oh I'm so sorry OP, there aren't easily comforting words I can give, but just take it day at a time right now, and it's ok to feel however you feel at any time. Allow yourself time right now. Things will be ok - that's what I told myself.

Despite me not being really active on Mumsnet, this topic is a good source of support, I read it a lot before even posting here.

Take care, and again, my sincere condolences to you and your family.

I saw my dad the day before he died & we were fighting rush hour traffic to get to him the day he died, sadly we were 15 minutes late, it took a good year before I could remember him as he was before he became ill & died. It does get better, I still panic that I can't remember what his voice sounded like sometimes, but I dream about him & in my dreams he is fit & well.