Arguments over inheritance

[rrrrhyy]

My mother steadily deteriorated over the last couple of years of her life,becoming less and less able to care for herself.My sister,who has a busy job as well as being a farmers wife,regularly travelled two hours to visit her and help.The last year mum deteriorated very quickly-the final six months my sister staying with her for five days and nights and sorting out 24 hour carers for the other days.She did everything for mum and lived there full time for the final month,sorting out carers (although she did most of it herself),medical care,equipment care and 1001 other things.When mum died,my sister organised the funeral then the sale of the house after sorting out the contents.It must have cost her a fortune,both in time and money but she never complained,just paid for everything.When the will was read,everything was divided equally between her three children.I'm disabled and live an eight hour train journey and my brother lives in Canada so neither of us did our fair share for mum and I was more than happy to give my sister a few thousand from my share.She did accept it as finances were becoming tight for her,despite the inheritance.My brother,although he is very wealthy offered nothing.
When clearing mum's possessions,my sister found £8000 in cash hidden in mum's nightwear drawer,along with a note saying my sister was to have it for everything she did.She immediately told myself and our brother-I was pleased for her to keep it,she more than deserved it but our brother said we should divide it in three.Technically he's correct,it did form part of mum's estate but my sister could easily have kept it without saying anything.My brother has no need of it-do you think he's morally in the wrong?

Your brother is a massive twat, OP. It's unfortunately true that some people just want more, more, more even to the actual detriment of people they're supposed to love. He should be grateful and sister could and did step up. instead he wants a few thousand more he doesn't need, and she does, when she did everything and he did nothing. What an asshole.

'Dear bro

If you want to split the money mum said she left for sister let's do that but I think it is only fair we first repay sis for what she saved us by selflessly caring for mum in her last days. If she hadn't done this we would have had to pay for care and it would have come off the estate.

By my calculations sis care plus funeral and house clearing comes to

Care £20,800 [£20ph x 8hrs per day x 5 days per week for 26 weeks]
Funeral £2k
House clearance £500

Total £23,300

It looks like that is a lot more than £8k so there is nothing for sis to give us. I think we owe her money but her usual kind self sis hasn't asked for anything.

Lots of love rrrrhyy.'

I’d suggest an email along the lines of what @dingdongdarling said - see what reaction you get🤷🏼‍♀️. He’s a dick, he lives in Canada - you’re not exactly going to lose out on a relationship…it’s sailed already!

Your brother is an arse.
Your sister is an angel. Your Mum (RIP)clearly recognised this, and everything your sister did for her. Hence the note.
I’d simply tell Arse-bro you’re following your Mum’s wishes. No discussion needed.

She really should never have told him, his mum obviously knew what he was like which is why she hid it! Some people are too honest for their own good. Tell him to do one 💐

Legally he's not entitled to it anyway, your mum left a note clearly stating the money was to go to your sister so let him take you to court, he'd lose xx

I absolutely hope your sister took the funeral money out before dividing up the money. If not definitely make sure it comes out of the 8000. Your dsis was so honest to tell you both about the money and she sounds like an amazing person and it's lovely ye have such a good relationship..looks like your db has no attachment to family and thats his loss.
My dB lives overseas and while we were caring for our dm who was quite ill he was sending us money to pay for stuff and vouchers to have meals in an effort to compensate for the fact he could do nothing to help. I am afraid your dB is ia very selfish person.
As you are not the person benefiting from the 8000 l think you should give him a good piece of your mind reminding him of all your dsis did.

If you’re not sending that message I’d send one saying here’s what sis did for our mum, here’s what you did, and here’s what the note said. If you don’t drop it I am going to make sure everyone who we both know hears all about how you want to rob my sister of the money mum wanted her to have for doing everything for her while you did fuck all except say SHE owes YOU.

Probate lawyer here.

Morally, your brother is a dick. Legally, he is entitled to a share of the 8k as he is a residual beneficiary with you and your sister, in equal shares.

PPs are wrong saying the note would stand up in court. Unfortunately, for the gift to your sister to stand (legally) your mother (RIP) would have needed to hand over control of the money (physically) to your sister during her lifetime. It's a technical point of law. As this didn't happen the 8k (legally) forms part of the estate. Morally, it's a real shame your sister hasn't been able to Keep the money. However, if she is also the executor of the Will then she has a legal and moral duty to administer the estate properly.

The funeral costs should have been paid form the estate. Your sister will need to be reimbursed for any funeral costs that she paid for, from the estate. An executor can claim "reasonable expenses" from the estate eg. Travel costs incurred in administering the estate after your mothers death.

Your sister could bring a claim against the estate that she had not been adequately provided for (if she thinks the equal division is unfair and if she was dependent on your mother financially). It's expensive to bring a claim though so she may not have any interest in bringing a claim; plus it would mean potentially taking funds away from you, not just your brother.

You should have really entered into a deed of variation to vary the amount you received from the estate before gifting it to your sister. You will now need to live for seven years for the gift not to be taxable in YOUR estate should you die (if your estate were to exceed the tax free allowance; the nil rate band). Too late now if you have already made the gift but something to bare in mind going forward. Not sure how much you gifted but, in any event, you do have 3k a year that you can gift each year before IHT becomes an issue, on death.

As I'm not at work I can say.....your brother is a money grabbing dick. Points of law aside and how things are supposed to be done I wouldn't have acted like he did, and I'm a lawyer! Your sister would be having a lovely, well earned holiday.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I hope you are doing as well as can be hoped for.

He’s definitely morally in the wrong. It’s interesting and says a lot about your sister that she mentioned the cash. It sounds like she could have got away with mentioning it and just pocketed it

Your mum wanted your sister to have it.
She probably put it in cash because she knew it would be your sister who took care of things after she passed. She possibly hoped she wouldn't tell anyone.

Your brother is being an arsehole.

As for little miss I can't read this cos paragraphs so I'll post that I can't cos it's important you know that 🤦

Someone's mums passed away and all you can do is correct her on her lack of paragraphs.

You seem so lovely. Not.

It was obviously your Mum's wish that your sister had it as she wrote a note to that effect. If it was just randomly left then it probably should be split, but then your brother would still be a nob if he accepted it.

Send db an invoice for 1/3 of the costs of the care your dm received from your dsis. Say minimum wage with extra for week ends and bank holidays.

He is a prize twat.

The note said your sister should have it!

Ask your brother what he cares about most. Your Mum’s wishes, a relationship with his siblings based on kindness and respect…. Or money! If shared out he would get less than £3k. Ask him if he thinks that is worth more than his sister’s welfare.

What the hell is he thinking??

The note said your sister should have it!

I agree 100% with @SuperCamp I don't think this is even a discussion to be had.
Your sister gets lots of good decency morality points for telling you and your brother. Your brother is wrong and a total disgrace. It's shameful. Shameful.

If your mother wrote the note when she was dying, it may count as a dying declaration that supercedes/ post dates the will anyway.

I would totally support your sister and tell your brother he can't have any part of it. He's not going to take her to court for a 1/3 share of £8k is he?

When you say your sister paid for everything, did she pay for the funeral too? Has she been reimbursed for it yet? She absolutely deserves that money either way. Partly because she did so much which will have cost her financially, but also because if your mum left it with a note to your sister, she effectively gave it away before her death so it shouldn’t be counted as part of the estate.

That £8k found when the house was cleared, will go nicely against the £10k invoice for specialist medical equipment that has only just been received

I'm pretty sure that the brother didn't want to see all the ins and outs of settling the estate, so he doesn't need to see this invoice either, he should just be grateful that he isn't being asked to contribute to the mythical outstanding £2k.

Clearly your Mum gifted this money to your sister before she died. Therefore if it was already gifted to your sister, albeit she may have not known about it, it was gifted before your Mum passed away so should not form part of her estate.

Eurghhh

Yup, your brother is behaving very badly. Your sister should have the £8,000 particularly if your mother left a note to say so.

Yes it should absolutely go to your sister. If he insists then it will no doubt strain the relationship between you all. I’d be furious with him. Your sister deserves it and it’s what your mum wanted. The fact it’s written down surely means that legally it’s not to be shared as part of the estate?

I am sorry for your loss @rrrrhyy
Yes your sister definitely should keep it. Your brother is being awful.

@Verytirednow I cannot believe you actually posted that on a bereavement thread, just horrible.

Am sorry if I have offended anyone…genuinely not my intent .
I do genuinely find it hard to read long paragraphs..sorry,I am actually a caring considerate person 💕💕

Then your contribution to a sensitive thread should not be "can't read it need paragraphs". Your input is not vital and would not have been missed. Plenty of others managed just fine. If you struggle to read, it's best to say nothing at all rather than barge in and criticise a grieving person because she didn't make her post easy for you to read.