Death of spouse - several years on - does it still hit you?

[Chasingsquirrels]

DH died just over 5 & half years ago.

Life has carried on, as it does.
I've got a new partner, although we don't live together and at the moment I've no plans to.
In the main things are good in all parts of my life.

Amd then, sometimes it just hits me like a tonne of bricks how much I miss him still. Its momentary, although the sadness lingers, but its almost as if I can't breathe with the intensity of it.

Absolutely. My husband died suddenly 13 years ago. Our kids were 4 and 6.
I do not have a new partner. I was 40 when I married him. I'm content though - sure would be nice to have some romance but I'm not that bothered.
I wear his wedding ring. I ask him for advice, especially with our now 19 year old son. I think about him most days. He was a great man, and a far better person than I will ever be. I am thankful I had him in my life for the short time I did.

27 years on and yes it does.
I talk to him and about him all the time with our children and the grandchildren he never got to meet. There is rarely a day goes by that I don't think of him. And yes, rarely but it can still hit hard and be very painful. I'll always miss him.

My brother has been dead for over 26 years and, yes, I still miss him and so does my SIL. We keep in touch with her and, although she has dated other men, she tells me that as they aren't my brother she can't feel enough to live with them. Grief has no end date and we all grieve differently. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to put him behind you and move forward. When moving forward make your memories tidy and take them with you.

10 years on here and there are moments when it just hits so hard. This year in particular when DD turned 18, passed exams and has gone to uni. He would have been so proud and I so missed sharing it with him.

My husband died very suddenly 5 years ago he was 52. Our two boys were 19 and 15.

In truth I don't think I've dealt with his loss I've concentrated on my boys and sort of blocked it from my memory. I have my moments, a song on the radio etc, I ts almost like I'm emotionless sometimes

I have been seeing someone for 3 years but it's a disaster to be honest. He has issues he says he is going to sort but it's been 3 years and nothings changed. I need to end it I think it was a distraction from my feelings

My older son is happy living with his girlfriend and has a job he enjoys.

My younger son has been very affected by it counselling for 3 years, can't find a job despite applying daily he just can't get a break. His mental health is suffering, I'm scared he is going to do something to himself he feels so hopeless. I don't know how to help him.

I feel alone with it all. So called friends haven't bothered since my husbands funeral, you really find out who your friends are.

Sorry I have blurted all this out on your thread, it's so hard isn't it, I'm sorry for all those who have lost their partners x

I'm very sorry for your loss.

My best friend died 13 years ago and yes it still hits me at times, although mostly her memory is something that makes me smile these days. I have other wonderful friends, I'm not lacking in that sense, but of course there will always be a little bit of me missing since she's not here.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the ball in a box, but I think it’s a really useful way to articulate how grief changes over time

Ball in a box

I've not seen this before. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you all for sharing, and I'm sorry for all your losses.
I've always thought about it as something to live with rather than something to get over.
But I am surprised by the intensity that those hits still contain.

For me too. Dh died 4.5 years ago. Our relationship wasn't always straightforward, mainly because he was so ill, but there were other issues too. But he was so very lovely. Ds went off to uni last week and yes it hurt so much. I went to his grave and felt it all like the early days again.

I do have a partner, I like being in relationships and I like sex. He's a lovely man and I have a right to enjoy life if I can. But I have kept on in therapy; I've had a doctor beca bit sniffy about it and imply that it's a crutch, and I just think, damn right it's a crutch. You just don't see me falling over so you don't know that a crutch is what I need.

26 years ago. Lots has happened since then, life has been up and down but no more tragedies thank goodness.

It took 8-12 years to move on properly. I still feel sad for what we all missed out on - especially the children - but at 25 years I said goodbye and no more hits since then.