NC parent dying feels v weird.

[weirdfeelingwhat]

Ok NC because v obvious if anyone knew back story but just been told F is in a coma and won't last much longer.

Not seen him for 20 years. He was abusive, physically and emotionally and SM was even more so. Bit of a Cinderella story really. New half siblings adored and extremely spoilt whilst I literally babysat and wore clothes with holes in which shouldn't have been the case as v wealthy.

Just feels odd. I'm not sad but still feel like been hit by a tonne of bricks.

Won't see SM, half siblings at all or go to funeral, half family are the same as me and are NC but the other half do speak to him although relationships with him were only ever on his terms so all v strained.

Just would like to, I suppose, hear others experiences and how things moved on from this weird feeling. I can't ring and talk to DH about it as he's snowed under in a very stressful situation. Have spoken to one DD who did have som contact through my XH (they sided with him when we divorced) and she said she felt nothing also but was stressed at how she should behave.(I told her that however she's feeling is ok and not to worry about how others view how she will react to this)

I was in a similar position. Father dying in hospital and I didnt visit or go to the funeral etc.
I don’t miss him or feel sad about him dying as the man he was. I miss A Father, not MY Father as he was mostly awful. I am sad about the man who I saw occasional flashes of and the man who apart from anything else was actually good fun at times (which didnt compensate for the rest of it). It’s a shame he died alone and unloved but he deserved nothing better.

Hoppinggreen thank you for replying. I think that's exactly how I'm feeling. He was a shit father but he'll be gone and not having another parent I feel sort of lost. I grieve for my mother in the same way, grieving for what I could have had if she hadn't have died so young.

I get upset when others lose parents as I feel cheated that I didn't have that sort of relationship with mine. That they should be at least less upset as they got time with a decent parent. It's stupid I know.

I wonder if the grief is worse if you never had that relationship and are grieving for the person you never had (whether through death or NC) or if you are grieving for an actual person you knew and all their good and bad points and the relationship you actually had with them.

I suppose grief of any kind is awful.

I think want initially told my father was in ICU and now I sort of wish they had waited until he had actually died as I feel all out of sorts today.

Please be kind, it's so hard to grow up in a dysfunctional family due to death at a young age and abuse from the remaining parent. I don't have any experience of how to feel normally about things and have to sort of feel my way along and really think about reactions rather from having learnt them from a good family model.