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Original poster

Pregnant and just lost my mum

20 replies

navigatingmy20s · 18/09/2022 18:39

Not sure why I am starting this thread just need somewhere to write my feelings down I guess.

I'm 5 months pregnant and just lost my mum this morning. She had been battling ovarian cancer for the last 8 years although she did have a short time in remission some years ago.

I already have one DD that my DM absolutely loved the bones of and baby I'm carrying is also a LG and I am feeling so incredibly sad that this DD will not feel the love my DM would have engulfed her in if she was not so cruelly taken from us.

My mum had been in a hospice for the past 2 weeks and had practically been unconscious since last Thursday.

God knows how she held on for so long but she was born on the 18th & left us on the 18th so we think she was waiting for that 🤍

Can't stop thinking about all the things my mum is going to miss out on it really isn't fair.

Cancer is disgustingly cruel and my heart goes out to anyone who has had to watch a loved one fade away from it.

OP posts:
tickticksnooze · 18/09/2022 18:42

I'm very sorry to hear that. It's not fair, I agree. 💐

OldTinHat · 18/09/2022 18:48

You know the saying, 'one in, one out?

Its been the case every time in my family. Heartbreaking every time.

I'm so sorry. Sending you best wishes xx

Original poster
navigatingmy20s · 18/09/2022 18:54

Thank you @tickticksnooze 🤍

Thank you @OldTinHat and sorry to hear that's been the case for you every time 😢 the circle of life I suppose 😢🤍

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 18/09/2022 18:54

I’m so sorry for your loss.

i lost my mum to ovarian cancer 24 years ago this month , she managed 3 years with one in remission. That meant she had extra time with my eldest dd who was 6 when she died.

i was also pg, and my second dc was born 7 weeks later

i Really feel for you, just when you want your mum 💕

I did find a baby was very healing, looking back she brought a lot of joy to us when we needed that

OldTinHat · 18/09/2022 19:03

Your mum won't miss out on anything. You're her daughter and she'll live on through you.

KoalaPineapple · 18/09/2022 19:03

So so sorry for your loss 💕 the love shines through your post, you and your dear mum were both beautifully blessed to share the bond you and will always have x x

Georgeskitchen · 18/09/2022 19:06

I lost my sister to ovarian cancer. The cruellest of cruel diseases. My heart goes out to you 💔 ❤

Lentilbaby · 18/09/2022 19:11

I'm so sorry Flowers

Milkand2sugarsplease · 18/09/2022 19:13

So sorry for your loss.

I've been there and, quite frankly, it's shit. I lost my lovely mum when our long awaited DS was just 3m old and spent the remainder of my Mat leave sorting out everything the inevitability comes along with a death.

Look after yourself, take time to process it all and just be kind to yourself.xx

Bodyisbuggered · 18/09/2022 19:22

Oh my love I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through.

I was 5 and a half months pregnant when I lost my lovely mum to ovarian cancer.

She died on the 18th too. Your mum did amazingly well to battle for 8 years. My mum managed almost 3 years. It is never long enough is it?

It is a totally and utterly shit time. I felt like I had a massive hole in my chest that would never be filled. She would not see my eldest go to school or even get to cuddle my youngest.

All I can say is that while it is tough for a while, things will get better. I found that things would catch me out and all of a sudden I would be missing her dreadfully. But these have settled over time.

I had some bereavement counselling after three years, which really helped. I had become very anxious and distressed when my Dad started dating someone new so reached out to a bereavement charity. We discussed how I use my Mum's advice everyday, I've taught my DC all about her, her sayings and silly stories. It helped.

Sending you lots of love.

Lotsofpots · 18/09/2022 19:24

It's just absolutely shit, I'm so so sorry you're going through this.

My dad died earlier in the year, and my kids were 6 and 3, my nephew not yet 1. Every single day I think about their loss as well as mine, the incredible grandpa they won't get to experience, the milestones he'll miss, the fun they'd have had with him. And I'm desperately sad for my dad, who adored his boys beyond measure. He was at peace with dying, but not with missing our on their childhoods.

Two close friends whose dads died before they had kids told me that their DC talk about their grandpas, write cards to him, and know so much about them and their personalities that they genuinely feel they "knew" him. Im trying to replicate that by talking about my DF a lot, laughing about his silly habits, keeping lots of photos around, making him a part of every day life.

I don't think my sadness on their behalf and my deep anger at such an incredible man, who loved life so much, being taken too young, will ever abate though.

Cancer is just so cruel. Many many hugs.

Thinkbiglittleone · 18/09/2022 19:50

I am absolutely sending you all the strength in the world.

Cancer is vile. I lost my beautiful, funny, amazing mum when our long, long awaiting DS was just 5 months old. He was her first grandchild and she waited so long to be an amazing Nana and it was stolen from her as she spent most of his life ill. We found lots of little things in the house that she had bought for him, learning to read, bed time book about adventures with Nana, how much Nana loves you, all bought for her to read with him.

It was the hardest thing I have ever experienced and it destroys me still now 4 years on that he will never truly know her and will only know her through our stories and that's a travesty as she was amazing.

But as time goes by, the day to day stuff does get a little easier, you learn to live with it, it still hits me in waves where it physically hurts again.

I do hope you and your DD are ok. You will get through it, because you have to for your DD and your DD coming. Just keep talking about her and remembering her, the worst thing that can happen to a fabulous person is, once they pass, people find it too hard to talk about them. Celebrate how lucky you were to have them ( I used to get so angry when my brother said that, but now I get it ) and it's ok to cry and be angry at the loss of her. Don't bottle it up x

Original poster
navigatingmy20s · 18/09/2022 20:21

Thank you so so much everyone for your kind and thoughtful words and I am so sorry some of you have been through such a similar experience.

Although science has advanced from years ago it still has a long way to go. Here's to hoping cures can be discovered for our children's generation and beyond 🤍 🤞🏼

OP posts:
tithead22 · 18/09/2022 20:23

Oh god, this was me 362 days ago. I’m so sorry, @navigatingmy20s. I hope that your happy memories bring you comfort in time.

My dd is the image of the Nana who never met her 🥺

Original poster
navigatingmy20s · 18/09/2022 20:33

It's just heartbreaking isn't it @tithead22 I am so sorry for your loss.

I find myself grieving twice - once for myself for the loss of my mother and also grieving for my DC for the loss of their nana 🥹

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 18/09/2022 20:38

I'm so sorry for your loss @navigatingmy20s

I was 7 months pregnant with dd2 when i lost my dd1 suddenly. The rest of the pregnancy was a blur.
My doctor and midwife were brilliant.
Take care of yourself.

flowerstar19 · 18/09/2022 20:46

So sorry for your loss OP Xxx

Smileyoriley · 18/09/2022 22:12

I'm so sorry and as a granny myself, send love to you and your precious little one. Look after yourselves as your mum would want you to xx

Original poster
navigatingmy20s · 19/09/2022 10:32

Oh @ParkheadParadise that must have been absolutely awful my heart breaks for you! 😢😢

OP posts:
Original poster
navigatingmy20s · 19/09/2022 10:33

Thank you so much @Smileyoriley @flowerstar19 🤍🤍

OP posts:
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