Lost a friend need to talk

[missbipolar]

I've just found out that someone I spent I 6 months on a psych ward with has taken their own lives. It's happened a few times but this was someone I got extremely close with and we talked most days even once they were discharged. I'm absolutely devastated, I can't think straight and all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry for hours. No real point to this post I guess just needed to get it out

So sorry, please take care of yourself. Sorry I don’t have any advice, just wanted you to know you have been heard and thoughts are with you x

I’m so sorry for your loss. Would you like to tell us about your friend? Curling up into a ball and crying wouldn’t be an irrational reaction, there’s no right or wrong way to mourn, let yourself feel what you feel.

all I want to do is curl in a ball and cry for hours.

if that is what you want to do, do it.

He was the sweetest guy, he had his troubles and we talked alot about them but he seemed like he was getting "better". When we were on the ward together I had very disordered eating and only had 4 safe foods, 2 of which weren't available on the ward, he'd always bring some back from me when he went on leave without me asking, he'd also make sure to get an orange jelly (one of my safe foods) at meal times and give it to me. If I was locked out of my room (happened frequently due to SH) he'd stay with me. When he got discharged he still came and visited me. When I was out wed meet for coffee. He helped me advocate for myself and on several occasions contacted the mh team if he thought I was a risk to myself- I wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for him and I feel so guilty that I didn't return the favour. Like I should of picked up that he wasn't as OK as he said he was? I feel like I've failed him so much 😭

He sounds very sweet. So nice to hear how kind he would be to you, even when he was struggling himself. Hopefully you’ll think of him in a positive way any time you eat some orange jelly 🧡

Please please remember that you should not feel guilty. Our brains simply can’t cope with the fact that we can’t control everything that happens around us and it’s really hard to reject the thought that you might have done something to prevent this. You definitely didn’t fail him, it sounds like you were a good friend to him.

How have you been doing lately with your mental health? Do you have people in your life looking out for you? I think I recall you having quite a supportive roommate?

Hi OP, hope you’re doing OK, always here if you need to talk.