Mum died this morning

[33goingon64]

Not sure why I'm posting really. She was diagnosed as terminally ill in November but had been quite well since Easter. Sudden decline last week. I'll miss her. She was a huge influence on my life (like all mothers I suppose). I hate to think how lonely and scared she must have felt since her diagnosis. Yet she never showed it. But I keep thinking about how I would feel about dying and leaving my DC if that was me - she must have felt sad for us and for herself and that's almost worse than feeling sad for myself. If that makes sense! Anyone else very recently bereaved by a parent?

I'm sorry to hear you've lost your mum. I lost my mum 14 years ago, so have been where you are.

I wanted to let you know that I have read your post, and am wishing you love and peace.Let yourself grieve, and feel the loss.

My mum was also strong, I think it's their last gift to us. Trying to ease the way for us to carry on without them.

I am so sorry. How old is your mum? My mum is very old and quite honestly doesn't have a long time to go but I know that she has completely faced up to it and accepted it. Obviously that is so much easier when you are old but I think it's the tiredness that's made her accept it rather than her age. 💐

I'm so sorry! What a terrible loss. I was devastated when my DM died, she died suddenly so the shock of her death has stayed with me. It seems so unnatural to no longer have your parents, my DM died over 15 years ago and I'm still not completely over it. But time has made a difference. Hang in there.

I think it's their last gift to us. Trying to ease the way for us to carry on without them

That's such a lovely thought.

I'm sorry for your loss @33goingon64
I hope the coming days are kind to you

I'm so sorry @33goingon64
Your mum sounds lovely
Be kind to yourself

I'm so sorry

I lost my mother nearly 20 years ago, but when I read your post it felt like just a few weeks. I don’t mean you won’t ever feel better - you will, you live alongside it - I mean that she will always be with you.

It sounds like the two of you had a great relationship and that must have helped her a lot in the last year.

So sorry for your loss ❤️

My mum died nearly a year ago now, after being diagnosed with cancer about a year beforehand. I'm still processing it and it's still painful but I've coped well because I had to, basically.

Sorry for Your loss x

I get it. Lost both parents, you’re do right. I don’t think you ever stop thinking about them and what happened. You do get used to the thoughts being with you though. I’m glad for you that you had such a strong and happy relationship. So sorry for your loss xx

I am so very sorry.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Mum. 💐💐💐

I’m so very sorry for your loss, you have my sympathy

My mum died almost a year ago. Some days it still feels so raw and fresh, I can hardly believe it is 11 months since we last sat laughing, chatting, enjoying each other’s company. I miss my mum so very, very much.

I suppose of course your mum would have felt scared and sad to miss out on what happens next in her life and yours. She loved you But the consolation is you carry her love with you always, and there is no more pain or fear for her now.

I’m sorry, op.

So sorry for your loss.

My Mum died just over a year ago. Some days the pain of loss still feels very sharp.

Ahh I feel for you OP, my mum died this year, stage 4 cancer, 5 months after diagnosis she'd gone.
I'm eaten alive with grief and regret.
I looked after her, moved in, wfh from her house and she died when I wasn't there.
I can't forgive myself for not being there at the end. I had a family thing that I needed to be at.
The night she died we had a "moment" where she thanked me for everything I'd done, I think she knew she was going and she knew I wouldn't have coped being there at the end.
One day at a time op, sending you hugs ❤️

I'm so sorry for your loss OP 💐

I'm so sorry for you loss xx

I'm so sorry. ❤️

Sorry for your loss 💐
My dad died last year and my mum 22yrs ago. Most of my friends are still losing grandparents, not parents. So it can feel a bit lonely.

@Campervangirl I read a book by a hospice nurse (the final act of living, Barbara Karnes) and she said she’s noticed in her work that often patients are with their family most of the time, yet quietly slip away when the family leave the room for a moment. She said that it tends to be the very protective parents who do this, and her theory was that they were instinctively trying to avoid their child having to watch them go.

She said that whether you are with the person at the moment they die or not, in her view that is decided by the instincts of the dying person and not by the child choosing a bad moment to pop out of the room. She said children often blame themselves for having ‘missed it’ but that they shouldn’t as there is nothing they could have done to change this.

xxx

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. We only lost my Dad 3 years ago so it's been a rough time with Covid in the middle, and not seeing as much of Mum as we would have. It's such a shame she became ill so soon, as she was quite enjoying the freedom of choosing what to do with her time without having to consider my Dad, who was a bit helpless. But there's no point thinking like that.

We're funeral planning today (two siblings who I am thankfully very fond of) and that might be hard, as we think of all the things to say about her for the eulogy. Also clearing out her house - but there's no rush for that.

So sorry and sending love

@SaSaynotothefishtank
Thank you so much for your kind reply, you've had me in tears.
I'm going to try to hang onto that thought.
Bless you ❤️

I am so sorry OP. I have lost a parent and it's crap. X