2 losses & a Divorce

[54isanopendoor]

Just that really.

My husband walked out a year ago, leaving me with two teens with Autism.
I am currently dealing with the Separation agreement / Divorce.

My exPartner (love of my life) told me he had cancer in Feb. He died in March. My Mother (very difficult relationship) was diagnosed in April. She died in May.

I wish it had been '2 weddings & a Funeral'

I suppose it was a 'statement' rather than an 'asking for advice' post.
But, is anybody there?

perhaps this isn't the right place or perhaps my title seemed a bit flppant?
(I feel anything but flippant right now)

I might try posting on the 'widowed' thread.
I was not married to my long term partner but we had 2 long relationships over a span of 35 years & he told me he considered me his wife so it feels like I have 'lost my husband' but I didn't want to insult anyone as I am not tecnically a widow. It's a lonely place to be.

I’m so sorry, OP. I can sort of relate. I lost my parents both early 60s within 2 years of one another - in the year between that my lovely ex fiancé died in his 50’s. A decade later my H of 20 yrs walked out. Felt very, very alone but I met someone new and wonderful and life is very full now. Hard work but full. I forged a strong unit with my children, welcomed their friends into my home and made it a happy place full of life.

A lot of change and grief for you, all that will help is time.

OP I've only just seen this thread. I'm so sorry this has all happened to you in such a short space of time. It's so very hard to cope with successive losses. Do you have any friends you can lean in real life? You absolutely deserve support and some nurturing. You must be hurting so badly.

If there's no one you can lean on at the moment, could you get some counselling to help you processes your grief. Quite honestly the loss of your marriage is at difficult as a death. And losing your mother is often just as hard or even more so when you didn't have a positive relationship. It's like having to give up the dream that you'd have the mum you really hoped for and deserved.

Be really kind to yourself and take any support that's offered.

Do you want to talk about your ex love or your mum a bit more. We're listening out here.

thank you @GiselleRose
thank you @Goosygandy

Married 21 years. He walked out for the final time last year but mostly AWOL for 5 years before & emotionally for much of the marriage. I am now Divorcing him.
We have 2 Autistic teens between us. It is very difficult. He 'pops by to help' but actually he does anything but, gaslights me, upsets them. I hate it. I can't wait to change the locks once the Divorce is final. Yet, I am mourning a marriage to the husband who was ok to start with & who I thought I would raise a family with.

My Mother was a very difficult person. I experienced CSA as a child. It was a family member, she knew & didn't protect me. Even when I went to the Police (20 years later, & hopeless) she told them I was 'attention seeking'. Unforgiveable. Yet, I find I'm mouring the actual death of the person who could never be my 'Mother' more than I expected as I 'let that expectation go' about 25 y/o now.

My ex 'love of my life'. I met him aged 20. He was 40. An academic. I saw him as a mentor / father figure but he wanted more (he was still formally married but separated at that time). We were 'together' for around 8 years on & off. I left him.

We got in touch again around 6 years ago. He tutored my son (online, long distance). We found we still had a surprising amount in common given we were from polar opposite backgrounds (he was extremely privileged, I was not). We became friends again. Once again, he wanted 'more'. I loved him deeply: I agreed
He told me he had cancer in Feb. ~By email. He died in March. I did't get to see him, say goodbye, go to the Funeral as I was 'a secret'. (he'd gone back to his wife) I have told no one how I feel (obvs the kids don't know). It was a complex relationship & not necessarily 'good for me', but it was a very important one too.

I have no one to speak to in RL. My old counsellor (from my 20's when I was going through the CSA / Police hard work time) became a friend many years ago. We speak & email each month & meet up about twice a year. I contacted her to speak about my ex but she wont' discuss it as she was angry I had let him back into my life. She has not replied to my 2 short sabout his dying. She is not my counsellor any more (not for 30 years!) but I was saddened by that.

Loss, & change, & processing.
Highly significant people from huge chunks of my life are gone (those chunks of my life therefore feel they are gone too?) processing work to do, fitted in around caring for 2 young people with SN (I'm their Carer so am quite isolated really).

thank you for asking (& I hope you don't judge me too badly for content)