My MIL is dying

[louislong]

Not long ago we lost my FIL to brain cancer which hit my MIL really hard . They were so close , childhood sweethearts torn apart from interfering families only to be reunited 40 years later to embark on a marriage full of love both leaving a damaged marriage that left scars , especially to my MIL.

When my FIL passed she couldn't cope , my SIL wanted nothing to do with looking after her . She took her in but soon resented her and made her feel so uncomfortable that she seeked solace with us .

Fifteen months later my MIL was diagnosed with Cancer , asbestos related . The diagnosis is terminal , Still her daughter is pushing her away . Not wanting to look after her saying she has to deal with it on her own , again it's left with me, in the meantime my own mothers health deteriorated, she never got over my father passing . After lockdown she got worse and we found out after tests she has Alzheimer’s. My sisters and I have become her carers so looking after my MIL too became too much.

To cut this down , huge rows erupted because I was selfish to chose my mother over hers my SIL said . I still have my MIL Saturday & Sunday . The rows have gone too far to turn things around with her , my SIL , we don't talk now.

Now we have been told my MIL's cancer has spread and she has months to live .

It sounds very stressful for you but if she is your MIL what can your other half do to help? Presumably it is his mum?
It shouldn't all be on you. Ignore SIL she's not worth your time.

He told his sister I couldn't do it and they had a huge row where she said things that were so bad they had a massive row ! He wouldn't tel me what she said as he said it would affect my mental health .
She got so bad she told me that she said she felt sorry for her brother and the life he had to endure with me and to take some pills to end his misery .

His mum wants us to talk before she passes but it will never happen . I suffer badly with my mental health , always have which his family know about but never have wanted to acknowledge it .

They are now in the process of putting her in a nursing home , something she never wanted . She had asked me to promise her that I would never let them do it .

When they took her to see her on Saturday she was at my house , they broke the news to her there . I couldn't compose myself I had to go upstairs .
She's so upset and angry with them . They think she has accepted it because she's chosen her room . It's a private facility so she will be ok but she wanted to be with family until she had to go into the hospice .

We got so close when she stayed with us that I feel like I have let her down . This has been decided by her daughter because she lives with her and she keeps saying she can't cope , the others have just agreed and followed suit saying she can't be looked after at home anymore .

I'm so sorry you are going through this. SIL sounds awful and I hope up MIL is ok, no words of wisdom I'm afraid, but you can't burn your candle down looking after everyone else, MIL will get good care in the home

So SIL doesn't want to care for her mother but expects you to?

Why isn't this being put on your DH shoulders instead of yours?

You sound like you’ve done all you can, OP. They’re v lucky to have you.
SIL sounds like a selfish c*- more like a man than a woman really.

Because I don't work through ill health. Plus I helped nurse her dad with carers until he died she expects it . Everyone works full time expect her , she's a part time teacher but makes out she works every day even when not at school .
They had the audacity to say their mother was devastated about the move this morning like they didn't expect it .
I know my MIL didn't want to be cared for at home because her husband died there but even if she changed her mind they wouldn't allow it because it would mean they would have to put some effort in .
My husband and I are going to see her tonight , I know she is going to be emotional, my husband won't be because he says it's the best place for her . I won't be able to hide my emotions