How can I help grieving DH

[Amichelle84]

He lost his mum a month ago, it was very sudden and unexpected.

He has up and down moments but is struggling to sleep which I guess is normal. I've not lost a parent so I can't imagine how he feels and don't know how to beat help him.

We have a very young family which is a good distraction but I'm not sure if there's anything more I can do to help him.

I'm making sure I'm there when he needs to talk, hug him when he cries, doing all the domestic stuff, encouraging him to get out the house etc. I've bought the same washing powder as her so he can smell her to fry and bring comfort.

What else can I do?

I think you're doing what you can. I lost my dad almost 2 years ago now and my partner came to stay with me for a couple of months after (we don't live together). I remember very little of the first few weeks after it happened, but he made sure I ate, tried to keep my brain occupied and listened to me talk. He also encouraged me to go running, which is my go to stress relief, as he knew that would help me.

The first year was really difficult, going through all of the firsts without him, birthdays, Christmas etc so maybe just be aware that DH might not be in the same frame of mind for these as he normally would be. Also I found that the most random things would set me off, because you can prepare yourself mentally for stuff like Father's Day, seeing dad cards in the shops etc but you can't prepare for the things you don't expect. I remember watching something on tv where a characters dad suffered the same thing that killed my dad and it was too much, I had to turn it off.

I hope he finds some peace going forward, it takes time and the pain hasn't gone but it has become less difficult to deal with. You sound like a really supportive person but make sure you also take time for you and look after yourself too, it's really important that you are supported as well x

I think you are already doing all you can.
When my parents died, dh just stepped up to do everything for the dc, the cooking, the house, etc, freeing me up to do whatever I needed to do - either with my siblings or on my own - when it needed to be done.
It was one of those times when I knew I had married a good un.

We've lost all our parents, and each time we've just done as you're doing. Make sure he eats, listen when he wants to talk, let himself have peace when he needs it. Tbh it sounds like you're doing all of it.

You can't make it go away, just help him get through it until time does its thing.

I do sympathise with the loss of a parent. I lost dad at age 13 and mum 3 days before DD born . I just had to get on with it. No counselling then.

You sound great OP.
My dad died unexpectedly 8 months ago.
One thing I would say is be aware of different grief stages eg I got into a terrible terrible rage out of the blue when one of dad’s belongings was damaged. It came out of the blue and I felt terrible. I kicked a wall! Other times I am accepting.
Another thing is to be patient and be in it for the long haul. 8 months and I still get occasional terrible bouts of sorrow and a desperate desperate wish to see him and talk to him. It was made much worse by not having any chance to prepare or say good bye. Sometimes I can’t bear it and cannot accept it.
Be extra sensitive when you are getting together with your parents. I find that very hard and sometimes have to give the in-laws a miss.
Somethings are triggers eg selling the house, the death certificate arriving, contact with the coroner. They can send me into a bout of insomnia again.
When it came to the insomnia I have a system that works for me - when my head is full and I feel the weight of grief coming, I go downstairs, wrap myself in a blanket, put the TV on quietly for company and do word puzzles on my iPad until I feel my thoughts clear a bit.

Also I couldn’t stomach food but could swallow smoothies and drink tea.