Stillbirth help me I am so heartbroken

[Daisy155]

Hi all I hope you are well, I lost second my baby Leo 2 weeks ago due to placenta abruption at 37 weeks 4 days and I am so heartbroken. Today I don’t feel like coming out of bed, I have to go into town and sort out his funeral flowers and I am just so sad about this. I miss him so much I miss my baby I held him and he was the most beautiful and tall little boy he was stunning nothing wrong with him. What did I do to deserve this pain I have never felt this much heartache in my life everyone say I am strong but every night I go through that evening and blame myself I should have done this and that I didn’t save him! My husband’s family has been amazing and my own sisters have been nothing but unsupportive as well as if they are going on with their lives I almost died and one of them was at the pub the next day my best friend told me when she couldn’t get through my husband! She called my sister instead I feel like did they wish this on me I am so hurt! Hubby has gone to the gym gave me a kiss and said we got this I just smiled but I am dying inside, I want to try for a baby again because I CANT take this pain I can’t my first is 5 years old and I am trying my best to be a good mum everyone thinks I am so strong! But I am just pretending because I don’t want to show the amount of pain I am in any help please thank you so much does it feel better? Can I try again for a baby ? How did any of you cope with loosing a child ? Thank you so much

I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely baby Leo and for all the people who have experienced baby loss on here. 💐

Forgot to say, I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant. It took 5 months of trying, I started trying weeks after losing my son. In hindsight, it was probably too early for me, so the timing now I feel is right.

So sorry for your loss x

@DorritLittle @slapmyarseandcallmemary you are so kind thank you so much for your kindness and lovely words

@emma1103 I am deeply so sorry for your loss as well and also congratulations on your pregnancy thank you so much for sharing this gives me so much hope I will DM you for a chat definitely x

I am struggling again today just going to spend the whole day in bed DH is at work for the first time. I am just going to use this as my diary of my feelings maybe it will help someone. I am in between feeling angry, embarrassed that this happened to me and accepting it’s happened to me! I am feeling so empty and struggling to eat I am struggling to eat so much I made toast and placed it in the bin. I have lost 33 pounds in 2 weeks I am so worried about that but I can’t eat but if I don’t then how will my eggs be good for when I want to ttc. Anyway until another day I am struggling I will be back I hope one day I read back and I am ok!

So sorry to read about your loss, not the same but I lost my baby boy Aidan at 21 weeks. I was the same, didn’t want to get up, never contemplated going out or speaking to family, I just wanted to be by myself, which doesn’t happen when you have other kids. I didn’t eat, lost 2 stone in 2 weeks. I have had a baby since, she wasn’t planned, didn’t even think about getting pregnant. I went to my 12 week scan and didn’t look at the monitor, I didn’t want to see my baby because I thought it would happen again, I didn’t want to acknowledge that there was a baby. As I started to feel movement I became obsessed with concentrating on them, I went up the hospital so many times but they understood.
take your time, it takes a long time to get your head around what happened. Talk to people, it does help. And I wish you the best in whatever you do xx

@Room4onemore I am so sorry for Aidan’s loss and thank you so much for sharing your story that really is encouraging yes I am finding it hard to talk to family especially my own family members but I am talking to my mother in law a lot she makes me really happy. I can imagine how you felt not wanting to look at new baby I think I will have anxiety with my first I was very objective and tried not to get excited but I was so involved emotionally with my second baby I have lost! I pray and hope to have a happy ending! I wish I had a time machine so I can see how I will feel in a couple of months time!

I'm not surprised that you are struggling to eat. Can you try a meal replacement drink.

@Daisy155 its great you can speak to your mother in law, it’s a big step talking about it. As time has gone by we have done things to help us deal with it, we named a star after him and have it up on the wall, we talk about him with the kids all the time, they will tell you they have a younger brother, I find it comforting that they include him. With time it does get easier, just take a day at a time x

@Kup I think that’s a great idea I am finding drinking water easier than eating, I also tried drinking juice today but I know if it’s a smoothie or something I would probably enjoy it more I will try and look at drink meal replacement and hopefully that helps!
@Room4onemore I can not wait to feel that way that is amazing that he is part of the family! We say his name so much like we saw him alive I really love that, my 5 year old is really trying to understand what is happening but I know he will understand soon! His funeral is this Thursday and I will ensure my little we do something special that day to honour his little brother maybe as simple as a balloon release so he understands his brother has gone up! Thank you so much for your kindness and response x

I am so very sorry your much loved baby son, Leo could not stay with you. It is such early days and your grief will be beyond raw. I am sharing in case this may be helpful later. My friends lovely baby boy died soon after his birth. They struggled, really really struggled. Grief took his mum to some very dark places and tore up his dad. Their local SANDs group was a kind space but as a family they found the on-going support from the Lily Mae Foundation in the Midlands to be very good, kind and helpful for them as a wider family not just parents.

The Lily Mae Foundation was able to signpost my friend for the therapeutic counselling and the post delivery debriefing she desperately needed near to where she lives. As a friend I was so concerned for her MH I called in medical help but locating the right kind of help was harder to access. She had complex PTSD and severe anxiety made so much worse by grief. Lily Mae offered on-going support for the whole family whilst she was so poorly. They offered support to the wider family and friends that had been affected by the unexpected death of such a much wanted and loved baby. His grandparents, his siblings, aunts uncles and work colleagues as well as friends who care. Their older son always tells me with pride what he has done for his missed baby brother at LilyMae family events and I know from his grandparents that they deeply appreciate being able to go to remember and honour their loved grandson.

May today rest gently upon your shoulders as you honour your beautiful little boy.

I'm very sorry for the terrible loss of your son. I can't imagine the pain. 💐
It will gradually become bearable and you will be happy again, but it must be so hard right now.
Leo is a beautiful name x.

Thank you so much for this lovely message @triballeader i will look into Lily Mae and thank you @Squirrelsnut

Today it’s raining and I keep thinking I should go and put a blanket over his grave I know I will feel better I know I am grieving but I want to hopefully one day come back on this thread with good news I have been sick these past few days but I will come back stronger I pray and hope in 6 months to a full year I will come back here and be at least feeling ok x

I've never been through anything like this, but feel so much for what you're going through.

Holding you all, especially Leo and your 5 year old, in the gentlest of lights xxx

@Daisy155 I am so sorry for your loss, Leo was a beautiful name, an angel too precious for this earth.

a close family member lost her baby at full term due to placenta abruption. Have you contacted SANDS yet, they were an absolute godsend in their situation.

I truly am sorry you’re going through this. It’s ok not to be strong everyday, seek comfort in those around you. Sending you a big hug 💕 xx

It's so unfair get some councilling. Please don't think the fact a sister went to a pub the next day doesn't mean she doesn't care. Of course she does. But this hasn't happened to her, she while obviously is upset does not feel the overwhelming grief that you have and that isn't her fault.

The reality is her life is continuing while you feel yours has crashed Into a wall.

You need support from professionals right now. Dont be afraid to reach out.

It will feel better honestly it will but It will never go away and that is why you need help to come to terms with this

I am so sorry this has happened. When you feel up to it reach out to some of the still birth groups where mum's will understand what you are going through and you can help each other

OP I’m so sorry for your loss of baby Leo.

there is a wonderful organisation called SANDS who can help you- be sure to look them up.

sending you best wishes and love.

Hi @Daisy155 im so sorry for the loss of your baby boy Leo. Sending you strength and love! I also lost my son at 28 weeks on 6-8-22 His name is Paul Anthony he was beautiful! We are waiting on the results of his post-mortem so we will have to wait another 8 weeks. He was perfect and there wasn’t anything physically wrong with him that we could see. It’s so heart breaking and I don’t know how I get up most days but i have 2 little girls that help me through it. Hopefully we can both get stronger as each day passes.
I keep playing days before it all happened in my head and wonder if I had of went earlier would he have lived! My partner and family have been the best support but I think I will talk to someone professional and I hope it helps me. I’m lost without him I should be still pregnant he wasn’t due until the end of October and it’s so hard not having him kicking away and not feeling life inside me. I hope time will heal and I hope with time I will want to try for another but right now I couldn’t go through it all again! 💙

I’m so so sorry. Beautiful Leo - you will always be loved and remembered.

please don’t feel you need to be brave or put on your happy face all the time. I understand if you need to do this infront of your older child but I believe you need to let yourself go through this and feel the emotions.

I had our son in February 2020. He was born at 18 weeks - he was perfect and was born alive, my body just couldn’t continue with the pregnancy and went into labour. I held him and we loved him as much as we could for the 45 minutes he was alive and watching him die and not a thing we could do to save him is the worst thing I have ever been through. The pain never goes, I am crying as I write this now. It’s not as raw but it’s very much there and I don’t ever want it to go because it means he is still connected to me.

my husband and I dealt with it together. We stayed in bed and sobbed for a few days afterwards and then had to get on with arranging the birth and death certificate, funeral etc. we had counselling and we both took a large amount of time off work. We both did what we wanted when we wanted and immersed ourselves in our grief, knowing that we could only come out the other side by doing that. I’m not saying you have to do that but please both of you be kind to yourselves. Especially for your husband, don’t feel you have to put up a front because your a man. He is your baby and you are going through something that is life changing. Same to you.

we tried again (not straight away) and I conceived 10 months later. Our baby girl hasn’t taken the pain away but has brought joy back to our lives again. She’s just turned one and has made us so so happy but there really isn’t a day that goes by We don’t think about our beloved son.

please take care of yourself. X

This thread is so heartbreaking, but amongst all that sadness, there is a chink of light, as so many women have come to offer support and encouragement. Even though it has made me cry with sadness at what you @Daisy155 are going through, it’s also made me cry with positive emotion at all the messages of hope and care being expressed by other women. I hope they are giving you some comfort, Daisy.

💙

reaching out for some hope !? I had exact same experience on Saturday last week. I nearly died and I lost my baby girl at 35 weeks x

I’m so very sorry for your heartbreaking loss 💐

So sad. I am sending a handhold. I hope you have supportive friends and family around.