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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

The kid's dad passed away yesterday.

17 replies

Frequency · 25/07/2022 07:19

That's it really.

I haven't slept. I don't really know what to do or think. His closest family is overseas atm so I've dealt with the police/coroner etc. I assume when they get back to the UK they will want to take over.

My 15yo found him and called 999 and then me and his family.

My head is a mess.

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 25/07/2022 07:21

I’m so sorry. Based on how you’ve phrased it I’d assume you were no longer in a relationship but it’s still upsetting and extremely difficult to try to guide your children through their loss also. It’s going to be a rough few months/years but time does help and you will all get there.

Perple · 25/07/2022 07:22

Oh god your poor child and you. I imagine you’re in shock. xxxx

HollowTalk · 25/07/2022 07:22

Your poor child, finding their father. How terrible. You must have all sorts of mixed feelings. 💐

nca · 25/07/2022 07:22

Oh I am sorry.

Heroicallyl0st · 25/07/2022 07:23

I’m so sorry Flowers

One step at a time. Your mind is probably in overload thinking of a million things but most things can wait.

Have you got some family/friends who can be with you all?

HoppingPavlova · 25/07/2022 07:24

I’m sorry. A priority will be getting assistance for your 15yo if required given they were first on the scene. That’s a lot for a 15yo and they may well need professional help to work through that.

Frequency · 25/07/2022 07:27

My sister and my mum are coming around today. I think we're going to his to tidy around a bit. It was a bit unitdy. I'm guessing his family will want to go to his house and I know he wouldn't want them to see it messy.

We broke up around 10 years ago but co-parented pretty well. He was still a friend. We fought at times over the kids etc but what parents don't?

DD took the dog to bed when we got home. I've just checked on her again and she's still sleeping.

OP posts:
SweatyChamoisPad · 25/07/2022 07:36

I’m so sorry. We ha similar last year when my brother had a cardiac arrest in the middle of the night and my niece had to witness her dad being worked on (unsuccessfully) by the paramedics. Agree with other posters- please try to push for help for your child ASAP. Not all Coroner’s have them but ours had a nurse who wasn’t a bereavement nurse, but who talked to the family about what had physically happened to her dad so that she understood that he wouldn’t have been aware about what was going on. She also took a lock of his hair for her, and gave her a knitted heart to keep - the other was in her dad’s hand at the mortuary.

We found that a call to our local hospice for contacts for counselling for teenagers was more helpful than using her GP surgery who were run off their feet due to COVID at the time. They are taking things slowly but she is coming out the other side and remembering the good things about her dad rather than the last time she saw him.

Frequency · 25/07/2022 07:37

I'm phoning the GP when they open to get DD referred to CAHMS. Or do I self refer straight to CAHMS?

The paramedics said she was very good on the phone and did exactly what they said.

I think she is in shock.

OP posts:
CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 25/07/2022 07:39

CAMHS might take ages. Talk to your GP to see if there is specialist bereavement counselling for young people available through, for example, local hospice charities etc. That might be your best bet.

SweatyChamoisPad · 25/07/2022 07:41

Don’t forget Winston’s Wish too - lots of support and advice there.

HadEnoughOfBears · 25/07/2022 07:44

Frequency · 25/07/2022 07:37

I'm phoning the GP when they open to get DD referred to CAHMS. Or do I self refer straight to CAHMS?

The paramedics said she was very good on the phone and did exactly what they said.

I think she is in shock.

So sorry for you all x
CAMHS are good but sometimes have waiting lists up to a year.
Look after yourself too x

Smallorangecat · 25/07/2022 22:41

I am so sorry for your loss and what your DC has been through.
I am not sure if CAMHS will be able to help with this. In many areas they are so overstretched that they are only able to prioritise actively suicidal or otherwise acutely very unwell children and their waiting lists are very long. Depending on where you are, you might have a local child bereavement charity (my DH died last year and my DC are having bereavement counselling through a local charity). The charities Winston’s Wish and Child Bereavement Uk are very helpful and can support you in supporting your DC and should be able to signpost you to local support, or your GP might know what is available, or the school if you can contact anyone there during the holiday. Take care of yourself too. Even though you weren’t in a relationship, you have lost a friend and a huge part of your life.

directory.childbereavementuk.org/?_ga=2.92614043.780730547.1658784937-617962153.1658784937

Frequency · 27/07/2022 01:29

The children's hub from the local council called today. DD was referred to them by the police due to her age. They are referring her to a local bereavement service and we should hear from them within the next couple of weeks.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 30/07/2022 17:20

When my teenage ds witnessed his friend killed by a speeding car and had to call the ambulance, try to give first aid etc, his college were very good at giving some counselling fairly soon. I know it is school hold but hopefully your dd's school may be able to offer something too. I'm sure you'll let them know what's happened so they can support her .So sorry this has happened to you and your dd.

caringcarer · 30/07/2022 17:24

St. Giles also do bereavement counselling. It must be such a terrible shock.

AdelaideRo · 30/08/2022 19:59

Winstons Wish. It's specifically for children who lose a parent or other close relative.

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