Can it be normal not to grieve?

[Drawbackyourbow]

My dm died a year ago, and I'm yet to feel devastated.

I would say we had a fairly close relationship, we saw a lot of each other but I found her quite overbearing at times. She wasn't that elderly when she died, and had been ill for a while so it wasn't a shock.

I just feel like I expected it, it happened and I moved on. I read about other people losing a parent and they seem to grieve so intensely - a close friend of mine lost her dm six years ago and still talks about it all the time, how much she misses her etc.

Am I vaguely normal or just totally heartless?

I agree that if someone is terminally ill, the grieving process begins before they've gone. It gives you an opportunity to mentally prepare, say your goodbyes etc. I think that a lot of emotions involved in grief are down to not having that time to say what needed to be said etc.

I lost a family member to a terminal illness two years ago. I do still have sad moments etc. But I never really got that overwhelming incapacitating grief. A few people around me were surprised by my reaction. But I had been expecting that moment for the better part of a year.

You are normal your relationship sounds very similar to the one I had with my dm she died nearly 4 years ago and I've just carried in as normal . There are sone days that I think u wish my mum was alive to tell her things but mostly I carry on as Normal

It’s all ok
Google ‘anticipatory grief’. When we know we’re going to lose someone, we often do much of the grieving before their death. I did with my Dad and didn’t grieve much afterwards. 4 years on, I miss him, but I don’t feel like my grief was/is abnormal or incomplete. I’m at peace with losing him

I lost my DH several years ago. He was terminally ill for a couple of years before that and that was horrendous. I think I did 99% of my grieving before he died. Since his death I felt only relief and a freedom that my life was no longer in limbo. At times I do miss him but I think of him only fondly but not all the time. We had a really strong marriage, but I knew it was going to happen and I knew I couldn't live in the state I was in through the illness and it felt like a closure of the process and I felt quickly ready to get on with living

This is totally normal. I lost my granddad lastyearand my nan in May. I havehad a few moments butoverall i havebeen fine. Both mygrandparents were really ill so i expected them to die at some point.

Totally normal. You'll process it how you process it not how someone says you should.