Suicide grief

[Mooshamoo]

I can't seem to find the grief forum. Please move this if you want.

My dad died by suicide four years ago. My family were fractured. My parents were divorced and my dads side of the family didnt speak to me.

After my dad died, I had a two year battle with my dads side of the family, over my dads will. He left everything to me and they didnt like it. It was a long two year fight with them threatening to challenge the will. It really took it out of me.

As those years were spent battling my dads family over money, I felt I was never given a chance to grieve. No one said a kind word to me, they all just wanted money.

Come now, four years later, I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown over the whole thing. I wake up every morning thinking "I never even had a chance to grieve or say goodbye to him".

Last week I decided to go to where his body was found. It's in a different country to the one I live in. So I had to make quite the trip. He was found on farmland. I went there and camped out by myself over night, a few days ago, and said goodbye. I felt peace.

I just wanted to write it down and tell someone here, as it felt like such a big thing to me. And we all grieve

That's so sad. I'm sorry his family were horrible. I am glad that you could find some peace.

Sending you lots of love and strength.

im so glad you found a way to deal with your father’s death even in a small way.

im also sorry your father’s family are money hungry arseholes

I'm so sorry you had to deal with so much but I'm glad that you found some peace. Sending positive thoughts x

I’m so sorry for your loss of your father.

Unfortunately, a loved one dying usually means all the money grabbing family members suddenly arise and expect to receive money or items. You’re his child so of course the money is left to you, it makes complete sense

I am glad you now feel at peace

That's so very sad to read. But a lovely ending, it's nice to know you've finally managed to grieve and are now at peace.

Remember, your dad would not want you to be suffering, remember him with love.

The grief journey is unique for everyone
and you never need to explain or apologise for the steps you feel you have to take along the way.

I’m so glad you found a way of saying goodbye and hope the peace you felt will continue to bring you comfort in whatever hard times you face in future (because we do all have hard times, don’t we)

x

Suicide grief is another dimension. IME it can also fracture families in a shocking way. I am sorry that you have experienced this but I can see at this 4 year point you are moving through. I wish you peace and comfort.

Grief is awful. I would imagine suicide grief is a million times magnified because of guilt. Grieving is a process you go through to find acceptance and sometimes you don't even get that. It is horrible. I have been to some bad places mentally and at times am triggered back to that dark lonely place by random stuff and it hits you like a fist to the stomach.
I can't imagine having to deal with what you have gone through as well. Be kind to yourself now and cut these people out of your life and move on is all you can do. I hope you are OK

Sending love and peace to you 💐SOBS helped me after my brother, not sure if you are in London but there are loads of other lovely places that will help.

uksobs.org/support-groups/london/

Do not worry or stress about time, you can't just get over a death and esp. a suicide - it was nearly 6 years for me before I even accepted it. Take it in your own time and please be kind and gentle with yourself.