Help me get thru the weekend

[vickibee]

My DH died suddenly last summer, it was such a shock.
it will be exactly a year on 05 July, the day that started as normal , the last time I saw his big smile was him reversing off our driveway to go work, he never came home. I even spoke to him on the phone at 10 am and by noon he was gone
a year on I it still feels like a bad dream, I put on my best fake smile every day and carry on when; I am crushed and falling apart.
I want to feel normal again…..

So sorry, that is just awful. My husband died a few years ago very very suddenly. He’d been fine minutes before, we were just having a completely normal day. It’s so hard to get your head round the suddenness - I still can’t believe it really.

Anniversaries are really hard. Are you doing anything? (Or under pressure to do anything?) I felt strangely flat after the one year anniversary, sorry of - well I’ve got through a year, now what?
Im sorry that post is a lot about me. I’m just trying to say that I understand. Just try and get through the day. Pm me if you want to chat

i Can’t believe it’s a year but time has not made it any easier

no specific plans but I have got the day off work as I don’t think I could face my colleagues
im sorry for you loss too @Candleabra .
I feel so bloody angry about it and still Half expect him to walk back through the door

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. But just think how amazing it is that you found the love of your life ❤️

I think you should spend the day on your own just celebrating his life and let yourself feel everything you need to feel. You won't feel normal as you will always love and miss him but it will just start to be your normal. Give yourself time and don't be scared to enjoy things again.
It doesn't mean you are moving on, just adjusting xxx

No time doesn’t make things easier. It does eventually, but not a year in.
Anger is normal. Any emotion is normal. I think having the day off is a good idea. Are people being supportive?

At first people were very supportive but a year on they think you are over the worst. Others don’t talk about him as I reckon they are scared of upsetting you, but it’s the opposite as it keeps his memory alive.
I have a close friend who I love dearly going thru a divorce and she keeps comparing our situation. I told her it was not the same thing at all 😞
i will visit him at the local cemetery and tell him how much I miss him.

@user2345266 I try to find stuff I enjoy but I feel guilty becuase dh is not there to share. I know it sounds ridiculous
especially the football, me dh and ds all had a season ticket and now there is a spare seat , so glaringly obvious that he is missing from our lives.

Sorry for your loss OP. I lost my dad fairly recently and recognise my mum in the things you post. For his anniversary and birthday, we visit him at the cemetery then do something he'd have enjoyed - a visit to one of his favourite places, coffee and cake in a favourite cafe or his takeaway of choice. Always very low key but it sparks a lot of nice memories and like you said, talking about him keeps him alive. It's always bitter sweet but it does make us smile thinking about him. Hoping you decide on something that brings you some comfort 💐

Hope you’re ok @vickibee
Thinking of you

Aww I’m nearly crying reading this 😢 so sorry you’re having to try and deal with this, no one should face losing their partner before their time. It’s so true what you say about people not wanting to bring it up. I’ve been guilty of that with other people before as I’m not sure which they’d prefer but I really don’t think many people wouldn’t want you to mention them. Totally different but my big sister died when I was a child (rare condition, quite sudden) but no one inside or outside my family mentions her, unless it’s in a really uncomfortably forced way to remind us of an anniversary birthday etc. Now I’m an adult, it feels really weird as unless I have told someone the story, people don’t know she ever existed which I think is so sad.

what would be his favourite thing to do? Even if you go completely alone, just go and do the thing. Do something that would make him laugh or surprise him that’s way out your comfort zone. Tell people about it and what you’re doing.

Could you do a run or walk to raise money for a charity? Having a purpose and something positive like that to focus on might help you get through this time. Thinking of you

Sorry for your loss @vickibee
The first year is so hard to deal with.
When my dd died the first anniversary I stayed in my bed and cried a lot. I did go to the cemetery in the morning with flowers. Family members wanted to go out for lunch but I definitely wasn't in the mood.
Take care of yourself.

TY for the kind replies, I am not sure how Tuesday will go so I will play it by ear. Definitely go and place some flowers.
I can’t believe one year ago we were having a perfectly normal weekend. On the Sunday evening we were sat on sofa having a giggle.and watching the European cup.
my son will be at school doing his mock year 10 exams so hoping that takes his mind off

@ParkheadParadise i can’t imagine losing a child .🌺

sending 🥰to everyone who has lost a loved one

Aww it's shit ! It really is, people just don't know what to say and are scared of upsetting you but it's good to cry.

Will be thinking of you next week 😢.

I kept busy on the day and as 'normal' as possible for DS. I think / talk about him everyday so didn't want it to be too different.

It takes as long as it takes for grief - everyone has a different journey. None is better than anyone else's. I still expect DH to walk through the door tbh and I still get angry with him for 'going' xx

@vickibee would you like to share a little about your DH, please talk to us about him if it helps.

Try to think as the 5th as just another day, it's so easy to become obsessive about dates and anniversaries. I find the anniversary makes us focus more on the loss which is extra painful. Maybe remember the day you met, your wedding, your DC etc.

Would it help for you and DC to change seats at the football, I've to a different stand?

Sending hugs x

@clippety clop
he was my BFF, a great sense of humour always made me laugh even though I knew most of his jokes after 20 odd years. I miss him so much 💔
@notapizzaeater
TY 😉lovely lady. I know people mean well but it is such a lonely journey.