Criticism over funeral choices.

[Aelathehuntress]

My grandmother has passed away. I am devastated. I was extremely close to her and so have had a lot of input with the funeral details not to mention that my mum (grandmothers daughter) has failed to “step up” and any time I ask her for her suggestions she draws a blank. She didn’t want to choose the music so I did, then she criticised it. She had nothing to say but snide comments when I asked for her memories of her mum. Now it’s the photos! Doesn’t want a certain photo put on the order of service & has offended me as this particular photo is special to me. I don’t want to be angry with her, but I am getting really pissed off now. Me & my mum have never had a crossed word. Any advice on how to deal with this on top of my emotions. Would you be offended? It’s like she isn’t considering how much I’m doing towards the arrangements not to mention I’ve cried everyday. Everyone else just seem to be getting on with it.

Oh dear. It's her Mum and your Grandma. You are both grieving and neither of you are behaving normally right now ( even if you both think you are). This really isn't the time to be offended by what she does or doesn't say, and vice versa.
Take a moment when you aren't asking her to make a decision or asking her to rubber stamp your decisions, have a hug and a cry together, and start again.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I think the best thing you can do right now is try to give each other bucketloads of grace. You're both grieving and you're not acting or thinking rationally...everything is shrouded by your loss. Maybe sit down with your mum and start by saying, 'this is really hard for both of us, we loved her...how can we honour her in a way where we don't argue or fall out?'

OP when people get very ill and/or die, other people can often behave in uncharacteristic, irrational, and frustrating ways. It's very very common.
The best thing is to cut a LOT of slack and not sweat the small stuff, or even the medium stuff.
"That's just a draft Mum, let me know what changes you'd like to make".
It's OK to feel the way you do, but vent to your diary (or a VERY discreet and trustworthy friend), and take a deep breath and stay calm with your Mum.

Thanks for the insight everyone. I’ve just let everything go. I love my mum & want to maintain a good relationship with her. We’ve ironed out the funeral plans now & are both happy with what’s been chosen. I think I was feeling the pressure but I understand now that she just was numb. Thanks again to those who commented.