Do they feel sorry for me now I have lost my DS?

[MyFragility]

When my teenage DS passed away a month ago, my close friends were incredible. I had lots of support from them and they have really been there for me.

I also received some thoughtful cards and messages from friends that I have not had contact with for a long time, which was nice.

However, I am somewhat bemused why some of the friends/acquaintances that I have not had much contact with are now asking to meet up or have a chat etc. Some of them I had previously asked to meet up a few months or even years ago, never responded. I understand with not-so-close friends that it is easy to let time go by and it is not necessarily personal - especially with COVID etc.

I just can't shake the feeling that they only want to meet up with me now as they feel sorry for me - and if they had really been that bothered about maintaining a friendship they would have done so before my DS passed. Perhaps I just feel less patient with acquaintances since I have lost my DS....

Is it normal to feel like this?

It is normal to reevaluate friendships when you are grieving. It is also normal for people to reach out to the bereaved. They are making you a priority because of your loss.

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I don’t know if they’re wanting to meet up because they feel sorry for as such. Life comes at us fast and we all have different demands on our time and prioritise accordingly. When such a sad and significant event occurs, your friends become conscious that you need proper support and in that time you become a much greater priority. In effect, your community of friends is coming together to support you at a time when you need it most. Many of your friends will also be affected by the loss of your son, regardless of whether they knew him well, and may want the opportunity to reminisce and reflect on a shared loss as well as holding you up, and checking on you x

I’m so sorry about your DS.

I would be very wary of this. Such friends may disappear off the scene again quickly. At the time of something traumatic happening, people often want to feel involved and as though they have a part to play. The last thing you want is to talk about how you are and how you’re feeling to people who may not them stick around. I think it would make you feel very vulnerable and slightly used.

As someone in the same position you have to take people at face value, they are being kind to you and they too are affected by your loss. Don’t question their motive or second guess yourself. Be honest with them and meet up if you want to or decline if you don’t. I disagree with Libby above, people are genuine x