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MIL grief and health
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Reluctantadult · 19/06/2022 14:55

Not sure what I'm asking for here. Maybe advice? Maybe someone to just say hang in there? Some of this is bereavement, grief, and some health.

My FIL died at the start of March. He had a heart attack at home. MIL attempted cpr followed by the ambulance crew. I was the one who got to her and dealt with things happening at the time, rang DH and SIL, told MIL he'd gone. Shortly after the funeral, MIL had a long awaited hip replacement. DH stayed with his mum for most of the time, I worked as work wouldn't give me special leave, did all the school runs and kept everything going. MIL's hip replacement went well, she's now been given the OK by the consultant and told to 'live her life'. However now she's not got anything to focus on almost so she's now very upset. Coupled with this she's also in a mess physically as she just can't keep any food down. This started after her hip replacement and has gotten worse even though she's off all meds now. She suffers from IBS and is also diabetic. She's now feeling crap, lost 1.5 stone, got no energy. Very limp.

The main thing I'm asking about is how to handle both MIL's grief, health, and DH's. MIL is just crying at DH all of the time. DH is grieving himself. We pick MIL up to come here every Sunday for tea. It's usually awful. Mil is upset. The kids (5 & 7) act up. DH wants them to behave and ends up shouting at them and apologising to MIL. We're just in a bit of a pickle with it.

The rest of the week SIL works from her house x3, dh x1, me or SIL x1, I'm cooking her some meals but infrequently, SIL visits Sat, we do Sun, I think we're running a bit empty and things are still bad. I'm about out of emotional resilience. Doesn't help that I've fallen out of love with my job and feeling stressed.

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Reluctantadult · 19/06/2022 14:55

Sorry really long op, and I don't know what my point is!

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Dnadoon · 19/06/2022 15:03

From what you've said I think that you're doing a great job and doing everything you can to support her. I think you need to take care of your own needs though...you can't pour from an empty cup. Take MIL to the GP and then try and focus on your own life as much as possible.

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KangarooKenny · 19/06/2022 15:05

She needs to see the GP as she my need some antidepressants and therapy to help her through it. Don’t let her drag you down, she must get help.

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Reluctantadult · 19/06/2022 15:16

She was already on antidepressants anyway I think but I might mention that to her.

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Reluctantadult · 19/06/2022 16:59

She's got a GP appointment on Thursday so almost writing a list.

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Fishandchipbutty · 19/06/2022 17:07

Three months is still very early on in her grief, especially after losing her DH under such distressing circumstances and then having her own medical issues shortly afterwards. Supporting her and your DHs grief is exhausting and draining for you all. Maybe she could contact Cruse about bereavement counselling? Does she have any local friends who are widows who would understand her situation and who she could meet up with?

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SeemsSoUnfair · 19/06/2022 17:26

3 months on from her bereavement is nothing, she needs time, there isnt much you can do than continue to support her, or support your dh to support her. When we lost my dad we organised a rota so someone was visiting mum every other day during the week and she had someone there each day at the weekend for the first year/18 months, before slowly easing off.

Maybe gently suggest speaking to gp or grief support if you feel it is more than "just" grief after a very recent and very traumatic loss combined with feeling run down with her own ill health issues.

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Inscripture · 25/06/2022 00:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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