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What now!
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Mummy289 · 29/05/2022 14:49

This is probably going to sound silly.

I lived with my nan and grandad since a baby, I’m mid 30s now and always very close to my nan, we called and messaged daily. My grandad struggles socially, probably has high functioning autism. My nan sometimes struggled as had to do everything for him. His not a people person.

My nan passed away last summer, it’s literally torn me as she was my support she was always there with her support she was my brick and I was hers to. We were really close.

Every birthday I bought her garden ornaments. It was her thing, her garden had always been full off them.

Since her death I have text and called every other day, tried to see him weekly (I have 4 kids one is a baby and 3 have asd and learning disabilities). So I have not managed to go every week, illness, hospital apts etc.

Since her death his been on and on about getting rid of the garden ornaments, now I thought this was a stage of grief. I have always said I would like them if he does get rid (literally bought most and they have sentimental meaning). However I didn’t want to take them as my nan loved them so thought he would change his mind and his done nothing to the garden so why rush.
His getting a gardener now and said his getting skip to skip everything in the garden. So I have said don’t skip them I will collect next time if he really doesn’t want them. So his said they have all gone gave them to the neighbours daughter!
I had to get of the phone, I was so upset. I have sent a text just expressing I’m disappointed as meant a lot to me, and I didn’t want to be insensitive and clear his garden. We have talked about the ornaments so he knew I would of wanted them!

His not replied. He never asks how we are or anything again I think that’s how social skills. I’m so gutted. It’s like his forgetting that I lived with them (legal guardians).

My cousin is paid as his carer she is having a holiday this week. I’m meant to be checking in with him, as his diabetic. (Doesn’t matter it’s half term and have 4 kids and a hubby that works full time). It’s only me and my hubby his mum also passed last year. It’s full on. No one else will everyone expects me too as I lived with them. (My nans children are not his they got together a few years before I was born).

I know I need to let it go but im really upset. Im the only one that thought of his birthday and my nans birthday I bought him (a garden plaque with a picture of my nan) because it was her thing, how ironic. I’m feeling hurt that his got zero feelings. His always been like this so I’m prob expecting to much…

Just not sure how to get through this. I know it’s pathetic. His not replied to my text and doubt he will as he has got “lazy” he can reply and he did reply after nans death but as time has passed he doesn’t. One day he said he didn’t because he lost his phone and still couldn’t find it, although I was on the phone FaceTime him on it! Lol. I’m sorry I prob sound awful.
needed to rant as going to have to suck it up lol.

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SundayTeatime · 29/05/2022 14:52

I can see that’s upsetting. Can you contact the neighbour’s daughter and ask if you can have some of them back?

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Mummy289 · 29/05/2022 15:40

@SundayTeatime i don’t know. The neighbours prob think I don’t bother and leave it to my cousin but they don’t know she is paid and think she does it because she has to as no one else will, so it’s a bit awquared. They also make my grandad cakes and a roast every so often. Hubby has said we will just make a part of the garden dedicated to her. I don’t even know when they got he ornaments either. I suppose I will call my grandad tomorrow and pretend nothing happened. Thank you

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CrotchetyQuaver · 29/05/2022 16:19

I think I would speak to the neighbours and explain a bit and ask them if they would let you have some of the ornaments. The worst they can do is say no.

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SundayTeatime · 29/05/2022 17:35

Don’t pretend nothing has happened. If you think your grandad has poor social skills, just tell him directly what you want.

“Grandad, remember how we talked about Nan’s ornaments and I said I would like them? I know you’ve given them to Jane’s daughter, but I really would like them/some. I bought them for Nan and it would mean so much for me to have some of them. I’m going to ask Jane next door if I can have some.”

Or just ask the neighbour -they probably don’t care that much either way.

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Mummy289 · 29/05/2022 19:47

Thanks, well I had already text it was awquared as he was telling me this on face time so I had to make an excuse to end the call as I was upset/tbh a bit angry, but I knew I had to go. So I text. He didn’t reply now worrying his ok. I’m totally fed up tbh. Not sure to call him (but I don’t think I can face it yet) or to just leave it. I feel a bit bad as he has no one to talk to about it.

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