It should be my dd1's 10th birthday today

[Rodeo]

It should be my dd1's 10th birthday today, she was born at 26 weeks and died at 3 days old. Feeling sad tonight, meant to do something nice but it didn't happen. Anyway just wanted to post here to acknowledge it because nobody has I usually get a call from my mum but I haven't, maybe she just doesn't want to make me sad. Dp hasn't mentioned her either, but I know he will be thinking of her, we just can't get the words out (or don't want to in case we upset ourselves) We have 3 more children now and they know about her to an extent, we have her picture and hospital things in our room....
anyway feeling bit better now I've got it down, have had a little cry, think it was needed. I'm sure all the above is normal..

Thank you again for your replies
We took the children to the museum today and had a nice Sunday dinner together. They've been really lovely today too - they were hideous yesterday! Keep thinking 'this time 10 years ago she was still alive, fighting in her little incubator'. I was unconscious for 2 days after and wasn't strong enough to see her, saw her eventually on the Thursday morning, this little pink scrawny thing (but beautiful obviously ) and she died that night. I was upstairs on the ward and felt a compulsion (the only way I can describe it) to see her again, waited 10 minutes for my dad to wheel me down, by which time I was a bit frantic, but they wouldn't let us in The doctors and nurses were flurrying about and I just knew it was her and that I was too late. They let us in and told us she'd had a bleed in her lungs and one in her brain and there was nothing more they could do. We kept he alive until dp could arrive, she was baptised which was a bit surreal, I didn't want the preist to pour any water on her, I didn't want her to feel anymore discomfort. Then they disconnected her from her ventilator and she tried to breath on her own but died about a minute later. I wiped the bit of blood from her little mouth with a tiny shred cloth and snook it in my pocket, thinking they wouldn't ley me take it, it is my most precious possession and I would try to save it in a fire. She was buried over a week later, near to my granma's last baby who died at birth. I don't go there anymore really, but did religiously once/twice a week for over a year. I don't feel that's where she is anymore.
Thanks for the opportunity to get this down
Shoshe - thanks for your reply, can't imagine having to go through it twice You must be very strong

Oh bless you and your lovely family. Time heals slowly, no? X

Hello Rodeo - know its very late - im a new member and just noseying through the conversations. I can imagine the way you are feeling. I have had 4 sons - very sadly two of them have died - one through congenital heart problems and one who was knocked down and killed. Life is so rubbish sometimes. I had lots of help from friends, family and Compassionate Friends. One of mumsnet 'Triplet' has become a dear friend. Please let me know if I can help in any way. Your little girl will be special forever and will always be with you. I dont know what the plan for us is all I know is that sometimes it is overwhelming. Happy birthday to your dear little girl. Keep strong, keep smiling. Shout up if you need mexxxxxxxxxxx

My baby cousin died 28 years ago at six months due to a rare disease. My aunt still talks about her.

You will never forget your little girl but you will learn to live with it. I'm glad that you have told her younger siblings about their sister. She is a part of their life.

I am so sorry for what you went through and for what you are still going through.

Hi there it must be a hard time x pls try website Gone to soon its a really nice memorial site x