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I feel worse now…9 months on
8

Daisychaingirls · 13/05/2022 17:52

This is my first ever post but this board has been an immense support over the last 9 months. I lost my wonderful mum last July and I am finding it harder now than ever. I feel so lost and bereft. I am going to feel like this and live with the pain of missing her for the rest of my life.
I have a family of my own but no siblings. Outwardly I am coping and I do find enjoyment in things but just below the surface I am struggling.

Any advice would be most welcome.

Thank you for reading.

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PeaceLillyWhiteFlower · 13/05/2022 18:01

I feel the same OP. My mum has gone and my children are still children. I don't want to burden them with my fears. So DH has to take a lot of it. There's something special about a mum or a sister or a lovely aunt and I don't have any of those. Do you have a partner and if so is there anyone on that side you can reach out to?

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endofthelinefinally · 13/05/2022 18:02

Nine months is still very early days. The way you are feeling is normal. I am afraid the reality after loss is that nothing is ever the same again, but you learn a new way of living, you cope, take one day at a time. I am sorry you don't have siblings. Do you have any other support? A bereavement group? Close friends? I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

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GenderAtheist · 13/05/2022 18:08

You wont feel this pain for the rest of your life. Yes you will aways miss her and especially at times like birthdays and Christmas or anything else that was special to her.

The pain fades with time I promise you. And you are able to remember more of the happy times you had together, to think about how she would want you to remember her and to live in a way that honours what you had together.

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Daisychaingirls · 13/05/2022 19:20

Thank you all so much for your kind words.

I have coped well in that I am getting on with life but this last few weeks have knocked the wind out of my sails. I know I have avoided thinking too deeply about mum’s passing and the subsequent loss which I guess is a coping mechanism.

My DP does his best and is supportive and I have a best friend so I am fortunate. I’m not very good at asking for he, I am the one people come to for support.

It’s the realisation that is stopping me in my tracks, it’s as if it’s only just seeming real.

It’s comforting to know that further in the future it will seem less heavy.

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CuriousCatfish · 13/05/2022 19:25

I can relate to the not thinking too much. I lost my mum a few months ago and I do tend to try and push away the sad thoughts.

Sometimes the sadness overwhelms me though but I tend to just get on with stuff. Probably not the best way to handle grief.

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TeaAndChoccie · 30/05/2022 19:22

I can relate curious

I lost my mum in September. Only really hitting me now. The sale on her house goes through this week. Can't believe I'll never set foot in her lounge again and see her little face smile back at me. Knowing tomorrow is the last day I can go in her house is destroying me. I've been popping in often with a Costa coffee for me and one for her. I drink them both, but can't help buying her one. I won't b able to go there anymore with a Costa for us and it's killing me 💐💐

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echt · 31/05/2022 01:13

As has been said upthread, this is very early days. Not to bring you down, but nearly six years after my DH died suddenly, I can still feel overwhelmed with grief. I'm sure that to others I look fine, and get on with my life, but some aspects of how I am tell me I'm not.

Many Flowers, Daisychaingirls

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WorriedMillie · 31/05/2022 14:38

Sending love to you OP and to anyone else who’s struggling

9 months is nothing in terms of a lifetime of love, it’s barely any time

Also i always say never to underestimate the impact of anniversaries and the time leading up to the anniversary of a death can be incredibly hard- especially if there was a period of illness beforehand - “a year ago, x was admitted to hospital”, etc. It can be triggered by things as simple as a certain flower that was in the garden at that time of year, the lengthening days, fairy light in windows

Be kind to yourself, give yourself time (I know grief is so painful and sometimes we want it gone) and reach out for support when you need to

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